Sunday, May 27, 2007

Gone Fishin'


Okay, this little guy is all I caught during two hours of fishing at Potato Creek today. Went out with my brother Sal and nephew Estevan. I normally go for the blue gill and other pan fish, bass fishing is too complicated? for me. I want to cast, let the bait float under a bobber and chill in the shade of a tree until I get a blue on the hook. This young large mouth is the 2nd or 3rd I've caught at the Creek only after I get bored and start casting with Bass Stoppers just to get the blood flowing.


However, I was happy for the rest of the morning.


Friday, May 11, 2007

I've been tagged

Um, took me a while to figure this out, I guess I'm supposed to list 5 songs that knock my socks off- at this very moment in time it's the following:

"Passionate Kisses" Lucinda Williams
"Telephone Song" B.B. King (SRV song)
"Anselma" Los Lobos
"Let's Stay Together" Al Green
"Jambalaya" Hank Williams

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Some more Paz

Motion- Octavio Paz

If you are the amber mare
I am the road of blood
If you are the first snow
I am he who lights the hearth of dawn
If you are the tower of night
I am the spike burning in your mind
If you are the morning tide
I am the first bird's cry
If you are the basket of oranges
I am the knife of the sun
If you are the stone altar
I am the sacrilegious hand
If you are the sleeping land
I am the green cane
If you are the wind's leap
I am the buried fire
If you are the water's mouth
I am the mouth of moss

If you are the forest of the clouds
I am the axe that parts it
If you are the profaned city
I am the rain of consecration
If you are the yellow mountain
I am the red arms of lichen
If you are the rising sun
I am the road of blood

Henry Darger Images





Read more about Henry Darger here or here or maybe aqui!
I've only recently cracked open the book I found at the library about Henry Darger. I'm still not sure what to make of him, I only know that I'm intrigued by his work and his life. Why did he paint what he painted or write the things he wrote? Maybe this isn't the correct question.

Monday, April 30, 2007

Homes and Gardens and Bestiality- and more memoirs/biographies

The house has been on the market for about 4 weeks now and we will have our fourth showing tomorrow. It's the same response over and over again: It's cute! but the neighborhood sucks!

However, if the house does sell soon, there is a nice old house on Lilac on about 1 1/2 acres that really could be a forever house. The house was built in 1860 and would take a lot of elbow grease to get it where we want it. But, there's alot of room to roam both inside and out and it's close to the river.

Gloria and I were working on the yard yesterday and we decided to let the dogs hang out with us. They were catching rays and we were working when some weirdo drove by and said "Can I fuck your dogs?". It took me a second to realize what he said because I was listening to the Blues Revue on 88.1 but I could tell from the look on Gloria's face that she was disturbed. What does it take for someone to say something so ridiculous?

I can't get away from reading memoirs. I'm currently reading "Bento Box in the Heartland". It's Linda Furiya's take on being Japanese and growing up in Indiana and how she uses food to understand her situation. Pretty good so far!

Also checked out a huge artbook about Henry Darger. He was this outsider art/ folk art guy from Chicago. He was a janitor by day and painted watercolors and made collages by night. Really interesting, intriguing stuff. I can't wait to read it.

Friday, April 27, 2007

And we're back

Thanks to all of the new folks who've been checking out the blog- Bienvenidos!

Just turned in my final portfolio- I want to give those stories one more lookie before I start submitting again. I think they're pretty good, but I find myself, now that I finally understand revision (to a small degree- something is better than nothing) wanting to gut my stories. That's too much like starting over. I have to learn to curb my cravings and allow any new ideas I get for old stories to become new stories. But I believe I now know where books, novellas, and really good short story collections come from and no it isn't from having sex with the computer. Those things come from asking questions and more questions and then more questions until there are no more honest sincere answers to give or you run out of questions. But I can truly see some of my characters really coming to life in a book. No book attempts however until I publish a couple of short stories.

Damn, writing is hard work.

Anyway, I expect to start blogging here once a week and be more disciplined about it.

Oh yeah, I gradute on Tuesday, May 8 from Indiana University-South Bend with a degree in English- writing concentration.

I plan on staying on at the Library and hope that a better position will open up. I have been asked to job shadow at the reference desk and I hope this is a good thing/sign.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Why I write

Here's the essay I wrote for my personal aesthetic assignment. I don't think I quite fulfilled the requirments, but I really like what I wrote (or maybe my caffiene goggles are on too tight!).

Sometimes the Magic Works

Ok, so I stole the title for this essay from Terry Brook’s excellent memoir based on his writing life. However, I’m pretty sure that I heard somewhere that if someone else has said something you’ve always wanted to say, but they said it better, than it’s ok to say what they’ve said. And so, this leads me to the purpose of this essay. My literary aesthetic and purpose for writing are deeply informed by my grandfather. I inhabit the same storytelling place as he does, mostly because it’s the first one I ever visited, and consequently, it’s the one I feel most comfortable in. I try to use the same paintbrush as my grandfather, just not the same paint. Where his stories approach life’s teachings using the spoken format, my stories seek life’s teaching’s using the short story. And in this format I seek to use what I’ve learned from him: I draw on the power of a strong image conjured by simple words to ensconce emotion and knowledge into the mind of the reader in the hopes that my themes will resonate deep inside.

I can still recall, with vivid memory, sitting at my grandfather’s elbow at the kitchen table on any given Sunday, and listening to him tell stories from his life in Mexico. I remember his massive brown hands moving like a conductor’s baton keeping time over his gruff voice: loud, dissonant, silent, tender, etc. He told adventure stories, fantasy stories, ghost stories, work stories, death stories. He told them as though they were true, as though they happened yesterday, and I took them as such. Sometimes his stories happened to him, sometimes to an uncle or a cousin, but always there was a lessoned to be taught and a lesson to be learned. His stories created a certain space in time where beauty sprung forth from horror and wonder could birth wisdom. As a child his stories held me in a trance from which the powerful magic of images could work into my soul and later be drawn upon when needed. My literary aesthetic comes from this place.

In my writing, and more obviously in my grandfather’s stores, there exists what Joseph Campbell would probably call the “hero’s journey.” What appealed to my grandfather, I believe, and to myself, is the idea that these “heroes” could teach the listener/reader truth. These truths reveal themselves as the character commits trials and errors in an attempt to quell some desire or nagging feeling; a journey of self discovery. After the hero gets to know himself better and is aware of his needs and society’s demands, he is then able to negotiate a path for himself. Joseph Campbell gained much attention for his work after he discovered this basic story telling element in the diverse myths of the world’s cultures.

But why is this “truth” so important? Personally, it’s my own hero’s journey that I am on when I write. This is a journey that I must take to discover who I am in a world where my insides don’t match my outsides. I cannot recreate the life my grandfather lived: cowboy, railroad worker, farmer, laborer, etc. My grandfather had the luxury, if it can be called that, to act and make mistakes and to learn out in the open world. I, on the other hand, have the luxury of sitting on my ass to read and write and not worry where my next meal is coming from or if someone is coming to steal my land out from under me. I search for my truth’s then in the open world of my mind and in the shared knowledge of all those storytellers who have come before, and I struggle to make their hard earned lessons fit my modern psyche.

The themes that my “heroes” tend to explore include culture clash/mash, familial obligation in a self-centered society, class structure, and the divided self. Growing up with a foot in two cultures (Mexican and American), I was in a position to feel the effects of two places struggling to invade my senses; one world was internal and the other external. The internal world was created by my Mexican family: the food I ate, the language I spoke, the traditions I followed. . . and the external world was created by American television, public school, white and black childhood friends and their families. This created a dichotomy within me that, at any given moment, seemed to battle for control. Octavio Paz once said that the Mexican-American was like a pendulum swinging back and forth between two worlds; he insinuated that we would never be at rest, never find peace. However, much like the Chinese idea of Yin-Yang, I tried to get both sides to coexist; the tortillas next to loaf of bread at the dinner table. But this was a Herculean task and in all of the negotiating and peace making I developed strong powers of observation as I witnessed my two worlds collide over and over again.

The protagonists in “A Season for Bears” (ASB) which I wrote last year, and “Juice and Kookies” (JK), are both young Latino males growing up in the Midwest, far from the influence of their homeland. Mijo from ASB is gifted student who feels the obligation placed on him by his Mexican family and white teachers to use his talents to “save his people” as an oppressive sensation. He feels that the world is “pressing down on him.” Mijo’s black sheep Uncle Gonzo arrives at a critical point to allow Mijo to shed the weight of obligation and to allow himself the freedom to be who he wants to be. Junior, from JK, also tries to discover who he is as he clears mud from his eyes that is placed there by his family (work hard, measure of a man, help your family, etc) and the American world of privilege and adolescent sex.

The language I use in both stories purposely seeks the meaningful, profound image that emerges from the observations of the characters. In JK Junior is witness to “plump and purple skies”, “crying walls”, and a painted fragile sailboat in the middle of the sea. In ASB, Mijo sees “shadows dancing on walls”, “eyes that talk”, whispers that hide their speakers, and questions that “disappear into pockets.” By using these images I hope to convey that what the characters are seeking (self discovery and a place in their world that will allow happiness) can be an elusive, abstract thing if you don’t know what you’re looking for in the first place. All the characters know is that they feel like they’re being pulled in a million directions and they don’t know why, and what I hope these images, and the language I use to create them, will create the same sensation in the reader.

Some could argue, I guess, that really the magic I’m describing, and the techniques my grandfather used, are the natural consequences of living in a society that values Magical Realism as a genre. To invoke the powers of the strange and the wondrous for a character to reflect upon can be an easy way to get your point across. However, I feel that, even though I approach that point, I try to not indulge in it. I am happiest when I am able to have my characters create the magic inside of themselves (via language and images), where it is available only to them and the reader. And by allowing the reader to view this magic, I involve them in a way that is intimate, and therefore, hopefully, make the story and its truth meaningful while spanning cultures, gender, beliefs, etc. This internal magic also allows me to find the truth of the character and hopefully the truth that I seek.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Some Neruda

We are the clumsy passersby

by Pablo Neruda

We are the clumsy passersby, we push past each other with elbows,
with feet, with trousers, with suitcases,
we get off the train, the jet plane, the ship, we step down
in our wrinkled suits and sinister hats.
We are all guilty, we are all sinners,
we come from dead-end hotels or industrial peace,
this might be our last clean shirt,
we have misplaced our tie,
yet even so, on the edge of panic, pompous,
sons of bitches who move in the highest circles
or quiet types who don't owe anything to anybody,
we are one and the same, the same in time's eyes,
or in solitude's: we are the poor devils
who earn a living and a death working
bureautragically or in the usual ways,
sitting down or packed together in subway stations,
boats, mines, research centers, jails,
universities, breweries,
(under our clothes the same thirsty skin),
(the hair, the same hair, only in different colors).

Another Paz Poem

Between going and staying the day wavers
by Octavio Paz
Between going and staying the day wavers,
in love with its own transparency.
The circular afternoon is now a bay
where the world in stillness rocks.

All is visible and all elusive,
all is near and can't be touched.

Paper, book, pencil, glass,
rest in the shade of their names.

Time throbbing in my temples repeats
the same unchanging syllable of blood.

The light turns the indifferent wall
into a ghostly theater of reflections.

I find myself in the middle of an eye,
watching myself in its blank stare.

The moment scatters. Motionless,
I stay and go: I am a pause.

Writing. . .ugh!

I've been suffering lately from "Senior-itis" (which should not be confused with "The Itis" which is something totally different). I'm only taking one writing class this semester and it only meets once a week, but I can't seem to focus, or frankly, care much about it.

But here are some thoughts on my process:

I haven't written anything new in a while but I finally have a grip on this whole revision thing. I have learned this semester that I write to help me understand some "thing", not just to be clever or share a story. Previously I thought I wrote because I had something to say, but now I realize I write because I have something to learn. (Sure that sounds arrogant, Welcome to the School of Me: Everything I Write is Law, Dogma, Truth etc.). So I write a story and then it takes on a life of its own. The story becomes a "thing" in and of itself that must be dealt with, wrestled, made to obey. For the story to work successfully, it must be made more fluid, and the Idea that I was chasing/sharing/understanding must be brought into a sharper focus. That's when it's time to take out distractions, filler, other crap, etc.

This extraneous stuff comes from me having a vague idea of the Idea. So as I'm writing and searching I get a vague impression of what I'm truly trying to understand. I've been told my writing has a certain mysterious quality about it and I think this is where it comes from. I don't notice it really until someone points it out, and, hey, I can't help not enjoying mystery since I was raised by a hard core Roman Catholic and indoctrinated into the Great Mystery blah blah blah you get the idea.

So I think I'm closer to understanding my aesthetic. Or am I?

Today's post doesn't contribute much to the greater good, but it gives me a good start for an assignment due today.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

One more

Here's another memoir I read last year.


Heat
- Bill Buford
An investigative piece for a major newspaper becomes a year long and then life changing experience for Buford. Buford is given an insiders look into the inner workings of a trendy, NYC restaurant owned by Mario Batali. Really strong writing makes Bufords passion for cooking and the history of Italian cooking infectious and, of course, the stories and behind the scenes happenings are fun to read.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Member? You member. You don member? I member.

I've really been enjoying reading memoirs lately, especially memoirs by writers. Real life can be so much more interesting than fiction.

Here's a list of the memoirs I've read during the last year or so:

Native State- Tony Cohan
I came across Tony's memoir after reading both of his Mexico books. He was a Hollywood kid before Gary Coleman or (insert favorite kid actor/musician here) and had a dad who couldn't let go of Radio's Golden Days and a mom who was a drunk. In this memoir he goes back home to be with his dying father and recalls his childhood in Cali and his time in Europe, oh yeah and his time as a kick ass jazz drummer.

Stranger Than Fiction- Chuck Palahniuk
Mostly essays and stuff about his out of the ordinary, true life experiences he's had. I enjoyed this better than Choke, his only work of fiction that I've read.

Somtimes The Magic Works- Terry Brooks
I became a fan of Brooks in high school after reading one of the Shannara titles. Sure, the Shannara stuff is derivative of Tolkiens work but he sort of addresses this point in his memoir, but mostly I like hearing about how he broke into the biz.

On Writing- Stephen King
Similar to Brooks' memoir, King tells you about his childhood and his obsession with rock and roll, pulp fiction, and writing. He also shares what his life was like after he was hit by a car.

Bird by Bird- Anne Lamott
In her memoir, Lamott is extremely honest about her childhood and college life and her dad- but what I like most are the parts, like in King's and Brooks' memoirs, where she puts on a writing how-to for the rest of us.

Monday, February 26, 2007

I feel so rejected!!!

Got my first real rejection today. Here it is in all of its glory. One down and many hundreds to go!

"Dear Mr. Moya,

Thank you for your submission. Although this particular piece does
not meet our current needs, we wish you the best in your work and hope
you will continue to enjoy 971 MENU.

Sincerely,
Gregory Napp"



Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Imitation of Lance Olsen

Went to the Lance Olsen reading last night @ ND with 401 class. I was interested in what he had to say about experimental fiction and I found his writing to be strong and completely accessible. In other words, I was expecting some kind of crazy free form jazz thing but instead found a nice little Miles Davis Kinda of Blue vibe instead. Of course I really did know better, for class we had to read an excerpt (dig around until you find the excerpts link) of his work from nietzsche's kisses, and i was surprised by how easy it was to comprehend even if he did play with POV.

Lance was very approachable and was very easy to talk to. After the reading a small group of us including Neil and Kelcey headed over to Steve Tomasula's house to hang out. Steve and his wife Maria were excellent hosts and even though most of the crowd was composed of Domers it was a great experience and I'm glad I didn't pass it up.

Below is the assignment from class to imitate the excerpt we read for class, no title yet, but the more I read it the more it grows on me.

************************************************************************************

You stand there and try to register politeness and interest on your face as you mask your disdain and try to ignore the pain in your lower back. The Patron talks down to you like a child. You smile and nod and repeat:

“Sir, I’m not sure I understand-“

But he cuts you off. Be nice you remind yourself. Keep smiling. The pain in your cheeks and back equal a 5% raise. You need this money. Your future self needs all of the money you can make now. It’s evaluation time and the boss is watching this transaction from his office. Your eyes begin to wander and you notice just how flammable this Patron is. His breathe is stinging vodka, his hair is matted grease, his skin is white flakes. The heat from the LCD screen that now stares blankly at you would be enough for this Patron to immolate himself. You hope that he will step closer; he would make an interesting sacrifice to the Library Gods.

“Sir, I believe you’ve been misinformed. What you are looking for is on the 3rd floor. Ask the information desk.”

You can’t help but notice he is now wavering. He is now falling. He is now bleeding from the head and peeing in his pants. The liquids run in opposite directions from one another. The security guard rushes over to the Patron while other Patrons gather. Some Juvenile Patrons point and laugh. You stand there with that smile on your face. It is now genuine. You marvel at how wonderful it feels to be honest.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

2007 Chicago Auto Show





It was a boys day out and we had a ton of fun. Above you'll find some pics of a couple of concept cars that really caught my eye. There were a ton of cars and spent nearly 3 hours wandering around the place. Jeep had this great setup where people could get a ride in a new Jeep on their indoor track- but the wait was over an hour so we didn't do it. Didn't get to see all of the cars, but there is alway next year.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Fender Bender

I don't want to get too deep into the story, but on Tuesday morning I was involved in a harmless fender bender, in fact the guy that hit me didn't even knock the snow off of my bumper (he did smash up his hood though), but my ANGER was stirred up. Apparently, the young IUSB student driving ahead of me decided she needed to pull over, in the middle of the street, to get out of her car and yell at me. "Stop tailgating me, you're tailgating!" I was dumbfounded, how the hell could I be tailgating her if we had just left the light! We were in the middle of the intersection! We drove no more than 30 feet in bad weather! TAILGATING!

Having been in one other fender bender before, I knew that the guy behind me was financially responsible, however, I was so pissed off I told her that if she left the scene I would accuse her of leaving the scene of an accident. As we waited for the police, she approached my window with her cell phone and said "He wants to talk to you." I asked who. She said "my dad". MY DAD. Are you friggin kidding me! Your DAD!

So anyway, what has me the most pissed off is that she can pull crap like this all day and never be held responsible. Just because we don't have a law against stupidity doesn't mean people can act as they wish. Whatever happened to accountability, responsibility, maturity?? Just because the law says that the person who hit me is at fault doesn't mean that young lady is completely w/o fault . She, and her ridiculous, dangerous behavior are directly at fault.

Working where I do, I notice the public (which means all of us) more and more everyday is doing what it can to shirk responsibility for its actions.

Pitiful, pitiful, pitiful!

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

juice and kookies

Hey guys! Here's my newest story. It started out one way and ended another. This is the first draft so please feel free to tear it up. There are places a I want to go back and add detail and solidify the story arc ( now that I know in my head what I want from this story), but I want to hear from you. Thanks!


**********************************************************************************

juice and kookies

Junior curls the orange power cord around his hand and elbow, his sleepy gaze following it up and down over his sweaty dark skin. The smell of work is overpowering, it’s the same smell on his father every evening, and it makes him feel useful. Junior’s thoughts also turn round and round; thoughts of Mexico, of the hedges to be cut, of his new school which starts in a week, of his mother who’ll have dinner waiting on the table in a couple of hours. Mostly though, his thoughts swirl around the bouncing images of the blonde gringas two doors down, step-sisters both 15 years old like him, trapped, like him.

Junior, would you like some juice and cookies?

Uh, no thank you Mrs. Dukes.

Juice and kookies, that’s how your mother says it kookies. Her accent is so sweet. Kookies. She’s a delight, just a delight! Ok then, they’ll be here for you. Juice and kookies, oh my!

Junior would like to respond and tell her that the only kookies in that house are the two kooks who live there. But even that simple thought makes him feel shameful.

Mrs. Dukes moves back into the house like a balsam wood boat upon a stormy sea. Junior had started practicing CPR when he began working for the Dukes, considering their fragile existence, but then stopped when he also considered he might have to actually do it. Instead he ran a phone line down into the basement and one next to the back door of the house, the two places where he was most that didn’t have a phone.

He finished wrapping up the power cord and began pushing the electric mower back towards the garage. The sky was turning purple and plump, and when he walked by the juice and kookies (he’d have to practice his mother’s pronunciation with her) the cookies were dry and crumbly and about 5 years old. Their texture reminded him of the basement walls in the Duke’s home. The Dukes home was on the same plane as the nearby river and whenever the rain fell, the basement walls cried. The basement, where he would have to spend the rest of the day waterproofing the deteriorating cinder blocks that smelled of mold and moisture.

Hey Junior!

Hey Dr. Dukes!

Come on up here son, I’ve got a new tune for you.

Sure thing Mr. Dukes, be up in a minute.

He wanted to add and don’t call me son, I already have a father, but Dr. Dukes was going senile and there would be no point. Junior could talk to him in Spanish y no me llames hijo, ya tengo papa, and Dr. Dukes would probably just smile and laugh and pat him on the head and say you don’t say son, you don’t say. Just like the time Dr. Dukes was in the garage, practicing with his fly fishing rod, wrapping the line around a bag of fertilizer and crying out I got one, I got one! It broke Junior’s heart to see the excitement on that simple face. Junior remarked sadly that it was only a fertilizer bag, and not a fish. Dr. Dukes looked child like and had replied you don’t say son, you don’t say.

The screen door slammed behind him as fat raindrops began splatting against the driveway. It’s going to be a work in the basement kind of day for sure he thought. Junior moved through house, making his way past stacks of newspapers and dodging piles of clothes. Most of the surfaces he saw had opened packages of cookies, candy, and chips. His mother had been sick for a month with severe migraines and hadn’t been able to clean house for the Dukes. Mrs. Dukes had told Junior to tell his mom to not worry, that she and Dr. Dukes would chip in and keep the place clean until she was healthy enough to do her job. This meant herding trash or anything else that needed cleaning into piles so that Loopey could clean it up quickly when she finally got back.

Junior, come in son come in, said Dr. Dukes

Don’t get up Dr. Dukes, pleaded Junior, but Dr. Dukes did and revealed himself to be wearing faded pinstriped boxers with his dress shirt, tie, black socks and leather shoes. It could have been worse; Dr. Dukes could have simply revealed himself.

It’s no worry son, I just have to get my clarinet. Now, have you ever heard of the great musician, Satchmo?

Uh, sure, Louis Armstrong.
Right right, you’re so smart. Now, he had this little song not too many people know about called What a Wonderful World, and I’ve been practicing this sheet music all week. Tell me what you think. One, two, one, two, three, four SQUEEK, SQUAWK, BLEET BLEET. . .

Dr. Dukes choked the song from his beat up clarinet, much as he did the many other songs he played for Junior. In his time, Dr. Dukes had been a man of prestige in South Bend. The walls in his office were covered with certificates, awards, and photographs with other powerful and influential members of the community to prove it. Dr. Dukes had opened clinics for the poor, had served on several boards for art and education, and had served on a panel in Washington D.C. testifying to the health hazards of lead paint. Dr. Dukes even had a Purple Heart and Bronze Star awarded to him after serving proudly in World War II. Dr. He’d been a man of distinction and integrity. If only the certificates and photographs could talk, what would they say? Would they chastise him for answering the front door with no pants on, or for wandering into the basement at night and picking up an old shoe and calling in for reinforcements?

The Dukes had disappeared from community life some time ago, when Dr. Dukes’ episodes became too much to explain away. Mrs. Dukes had always been the strong woman behind the man, and now was content with just being a woman who could still thread her own needles and who could still drive her own car, albeit slowly, to the weekly sewing cirlce. Mrs. Dukes also enjoyed visits from the grandkids, who didn’t come often enough, chats with her neigbors. She was so neighborly in fact that she was more than happy to loan out her Loopey and Junior whenever someone else in the neighborhood needed a job well done. In fact, she enjoyed the celebrity like status her neighbors granted her for having the best help. She showed off her landscaped yard, or organized kitchen whenever she could. Oh, they’re wonderful people, she’d say, just wonderful.

Junior moved over to Dr. Dukes’ office window because over the sound of a dying goose that Dr. Dukes was imitating, he heard what was truly music to his ears. He heard the high pitched squeals of Amanda and Sarah. Dr. Dukes had closed his eyes and was playing away and didn’t notice what Junior had noticed. The girls were jumping on their trampoline, and from Dr. Duke’s office window he had a bird’s eye view of their frolicking. They were dressed in bathing suits and jumping in the rain. Their breasts moved in delayed reaction and the girls laughed into the sky, full throated laughing, pushing that glorious sound into the heavens.

Junior had first spotted the girls a month ago at orientation. The freshman class had gathered in the gym to pray for a great start and a great school year. Most of the kids held hands and had bowed their heads as instructed by the priest, Father Marques. He looked down at the pale white hands that held his own and he was amazed at the softness of them. He’d never touched a gringo for this long before, he could feel their pulses thudding away in their fingertips and it was disconcerting.

He was quick to pull away at amen and began looking for the exit but was forced to look around when one of the football players called out his name.

This is Junior guys, he’s from the Westside, he’s been holding his own out there.

Junior had been practicing two a days for two weeks and recognized some of the faces now approaching him.

Did you think you were trying out for futbol? asked a strawberry blonde haired girl.

Junior gave her a deadly stare as the group laughed.

Come on, lighten up, she said, it was only a joke.

This is as light as I get he replied and continued staring at her.

What an asshole, she said and as she walked away the brunette girl who had been standing next to her called out for her to wait up.

Junior turned around and walked out of the gymnasium.

Those two girls were now doing somersaults in the rain. In two piece bikinis. The whiteness of their skin in sharp contrast to the dark of the trampoline made Junior think of the sun. Indeed, they reminded him of shooting stars. He wanted to reach out to them, to touch them, to hold their hands in his. The closest he’d gotten was when they discovered he was working only two doors down. They waited for him in the alleyway most days at the end of the evening as brought out garbage, or yard waste, or just to getaway for a moment in the cool dark provided by the trees hanging over the back of the garage. At first they would just peek around their fence and giggle and duck back into their yard. Soon they would just stand and stare, sometimes drinking beers and sometimes smoking cigarettes and sometimes doing both.

Once they spoke to him, just once, in soft girl voices. They wanted to know if he remembered them and he said he did. They wanted to know if he had a girlfriend and he lied and said he did. They wanted to know if he had ever kissed a white girl and he lied again and said he did. They stepped closer to him and the butterflies in his stomach were as heavy as stones and he couldn’t move. The girls told him a story of being home alone and trapped like prisoners, but he didn’t listen to much of it. Instead he watched their eyes and mouths. He liked the way they moved. He stared at the angles of their lips and eyelids and was mesmerized by the way their skin pulled and relaxed. The blonde, Sarah, had freckles and her skin was lighter than Amanda’s. Amanda had darker skin, olive colored. The girls smelled like a sunny day. They were stepsisters but they loved each other they said. And they kissed each other to prove it.
The stiffness in Junior’s underwear was proof enough that he believed them. They pointed at his pants and started giggling. Junior became shameful and angry. He moved back into the Duke’s yard and slapped the gate shut. They begged and pleaded for him to come back out into the coolness of the alley, but he moved into the garage instead. He found a couple of two by fours and some nails and set them aside for later.

Well, look at those ripe melons, wouldja said Dr. Dukes. He was now standing next to Junior and was looking out the window also. Nothing compared to these though, said Dr. Dukes as Junior backed away in panic.

Take a look at these Junior said Dr. Dukes. He had opened an envelope that had appeared in his hand and pulled out a photo. Come on, take a look, he said.

Junior reached out and held the photo in a shaking hand. It was the image of a nude black woman in a banana skirt. It was signed, love Josephine.

That’s a dancer I met in France, before I came back from the war. That was a time I don’t wish on anyone. I was young and full of vinegar Junior, just full of it. I was just a medic then, but I could shoot just as straight as the rest of them, and I was out to keep those good for nothing jerrys away from America.

Junior was taken aback by the doctor’s sudden lucidity. His eyes twinkled and his brow was furrowed deep in thought. He no longer had the blank look of lumpy dough. This was the Dr. Dukes of the medals and certificates, not the Dr. Dukes of food stained t-shirts and bad body odor.

This woman, she was a dancer, he said. And when she danced she made me forget where I was. I was back in New York City where I shipped out from. Hell! I was back in Chicago where I grew up. I met her briefly, once, she said hi and smiled back at her. She asked me how she should sign the photo and I said sign it anyway you like. She gave me a quick peck on the cheek and was on to the next joe standing in line. The next day I was shipped home, the war had ended, I was no longer a man, I was a college student. That time over there, those dead boys, bits of them are still stranded over there with bits of me.

Dr. Dukes moved to a leather sofa in a dark corner of the office. The sky thundered and the rain fell as if thrown. Junior looked out the window again and noticed that the girls were no longer there. The trampoline was empty except for the water that now created a heavy belly on it.

Gerald?

He’s sleeping Mrs. Dukes.

Dr. Dukes was indeed asleep, a balsam wood plane, a WWII replica of a Grumman Bearcat, resting on his chest, moving up and down. Dr. Dukes slobbered on himself.

Oh, that man. That’s all he does. Well, what do you think of my new painting?

Junior reviewed the image and was immediately taken in by the bright colors of the painted sunset. Two people in a tiny sailboat in the bottom corner of the frame, sailing into a vast pink and orange and purple ocean. The boat was so small and there was no land in sight. It made Junior wonder if they would make it to wherever they were headed. Would anyone make it?

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

I feel so special

So I'm scrolling down to the bottom of the blog cuz it's fun to do when you're bored and I notice that one of my posts has additional comments and I log and to find. . .BLOG SPAM! How great is that? NO really, just when I thought that despret bastards had found all nooks and crannies to bother the shit out of us, they have gone and found the blogs. Can dream spammers be far behind. Ooh, that's mine and you can't have it- the title of my next, first sci fi short story: The Legend of the Dream Spammer.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Superbowl Time!!!


Wow, I can't believe I'll actually get to watch the Superbowl this year for more than just the commercials (which have been sucking lately anyway), only problem is- Who do I root for? I definately have a soft spot in my heart for the Bears. They're the main reason I began watching football anyway- the Superbowl Shuffle, the Fridge, and all the rest of that shit. But the Colts . . . they've been so good for so long, it's about time they won one dontcha think?

I don't like the whole playing in Miami thing. Why can't they play at Notre Dame or something? Keep in the Midwest with all of the snow and cold and big fluffy jackets.

Do you know where you'll be Feb. 4th?

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

From Nelson Mandela

Well, not really. This quote is attributed to Nelson Mandela's 1994 inaugural speech, however it was really written by Marianne Williamson. I took my favorite parts, the parts that really resonate deep inside me and posted them here. If you want to read the complete poem go here.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deep fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us...

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to be the same.
As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others.