Monday, June 18, 2007

June's a Goin'

The first fabulous summer month that we call June is almost over and I haven't posted a thing. There have been many almost posts such as. . .

Gloria and I went camping together for the first time ever at Turkey Run and it was awesome! We didn't realize there was this whole camping culture: people walk up and down the campsite roads, just strolling or riding their bikes. We even saw people cruising through the campsite! Campers and RV's decked out with all kinds of crazy lights, strolling troubadours (really!), dogs everywhere. I'm not trying to down the experience, I just wasn't ready for it. Everyone was so friendly, I didn't know this until someone told us before leaving town for Turkey Run, but you can leave all of your stuff set up on the campsite and NO ONE WILL STEAL FROM YOU.

Turkey Run State Park is a beautiful place. Gloria and I tackled their toughest trail (ladders, steep inclines, wading, rock crawling, etc.) on the first day and we fell in love with the place. Some people get turned on by nature and they want to write poems or paint or take pix or whatever, I on the other hand, turn off that creative part of me. The urge to create disappears, and the desire to be kicks in. I don't know why, maybe it's because I want to create a certain image of whatever, but when I'm faced with something so grand or awe inspiring, I'm happier just to be a part of it. I don't think about stories I could set there or stories based on my feeling of being in such a great environment. I haven't really wanted to write anything or even review some of my old stuff, mostly I just think about Turkey Run.

Another post would have gone something like this:

We have decided to end the placement of our current foster child. We let the MAN get to us and we don't feel we're in a situation to beat the system. It sounds so cold doesn't it, to sacrifice the livelihood of a child because we can't handle the bureaucracy that is as much a part of her as the rest of her baggage. So many people, upon hearing our decision, have reacted differently but the same:

"It's all for the best"
"Things happen for a reason"
"You're doing the right thing"
"Where will she go"
"What would you have done with your own child"
"You're probably wouldn't be able to handle any child"
"You've done alot for her in two years, more than others"
"Later on she'll realize just how much you did for her"

I am no Mother Theresa and it's taken me nearly 30 years to shake off Catholic guilt: you have to look out for yourself first and make sure you're the best you can be BEFORE you should even attempt to help someone else. Again, it's a cold and selfish statement, but it's true and I've seen too many people hang on to marriages, relationships, jobs, because they worry what will be thought of them. I don't care really what others think, negative or positive, all I know is that I tried, I failed, and now it's time to grow and move on.

Or another post would have been:

I just caught the biggest fish I've ever caught out of the St. Joe River. I was fishing for Rock Bass and Bluegill and Pumpkin Seed when a Smallie decided to go after the bubble bee like bait I was using. I've got photos of it and will post it later, sorry I take horrible fish pictures, but it was a couple of pounds at least. To understand why I'm so excited, I've fished out of Howard Park for a couple of years now and never really caught anything to get excited about, most of my success came from fishing at Potato Creek. This year Potato Creek seems to be a waste of gas for me and Howard Park is golden.

So these are the things I've been wanting post and so now I have.