Saturday, June 28, 2008

Too big baby jesus?

Walking around Farmer's Market this morning, I noticed I was bumping into more people than normal. Sure, the place was packed, but I'm usually aware of my "space" and I'm pretty good at navigating my way through a crowd without so much as bumping elbows or stepping on feet. But today, every move I made seemed to be the wrong move. After a while, I got so frustrated that I purposely avoided all collisions- I felt like a bumper in a pinball machine. It's funny though, I started wondering why it was that everyone else I bumped into wasn't making an effort to avoid me. I wonder if our increasing social isolation is having an effect on our subconscious- remember Crash?

The events of this morning got me thinking about a goal I wanted to accomplish this summer: to lose some weight, about 20lbs to get me started, and take some pressure of my bad back, bad knees, bad knees, balding head- wait! I've lost large amounts of weight before and my body responds extremely well to exercise, however, this time around, it's really really hard. I've been walking my dogs on a daily basis for 20-30 minutes a day and it's painful!! I feel like an ass for having let myself go like this. Not that I was ever "in shape", but looking at that senior picture (posted a few posts back) reminded me of how active I was back then.

Recently, I've even had to stop walking my dogs with the same frequency, because I hurt myself. Walking. How pathetic. But, it's not that I have unhealthy diet habits- beer and bbq aside, I eat plenty of whole grains, veggies, lean meats. I think though, my problem is the "plenty" part. I eat too much of the good stuff. Too much. I recently read an article naming the "best food for men" and I eat most of it.

I just need to get moving- no excuse. Time to fix the bike or go for a swim if the joints hurt, also that's what Aleve is for anyway right?

Thursday, June 19, 2008

All Golden

But they didn’t stand a chance and somehow it didn’t matter. To her or to him, nobody. They drove through the early morning dawn, that dirty green pick-up bounced along the dirt road in a never ending death rattle. Yeah, somehow it didn’t matter, but that couldn’t be right could it, she wondered?
I know, I know. I’m sorry, he said. I’ll try harder next time.
She didn’t need to look at him as he spoke to know that he had a sad puppy dog look on his face, she knew, she knew. She looked out into fields, she wanted to be a corn stalk, lost among the others, all golden inside.
He reached across the seat and made for his spit cup. That Big Gulp had paid itself off a hundred times over, this was the best spitter he’d ever had.
Look at this thing wouldja, it’s unbeatable, I’ve had it for like a month now. Damn! Christ, don’t look so sad he said.
I aint sad, just tired, she said.
Aww, c’mon, it’ll be good again, you’ll see. We’ll get home and we’ll turn on the tube and some animal show’ll be on and I’ll say damn, what do you think that platypus taste like and you’ll be all...
She closed her eyes and gritted her teeth. She could taste the beer coming up. This part made her sick. This is the part that she knew better, she knew better, but did nothing about. That tone of voice, those words, like so much hot mud being poured all in her. She’d let his stupid reasons numb her good until next time he betrayed her.
I can’t never do no good by you, you know that he said. I always seem to get things wrong, I can’t never do no right, he said.
She sure looked happy, you musta been doin something right. You had a big grin on that big fat farmer face of yours too. You made a fool of us. I hate you, asshole. I’m glad I lost that baby, he would be been just as dumb as me and an asshole like you. I lost him cuz a you, you know.
Damn, we both know that! What was I supposed to do. You know I can’t help myself,you know that doctor at the prison said I was compulsive or impulsive, some kind of sive.
Sieve is right!
Jasmine was just there, looking real good, and I just couldn’t help it, you know, I just had to reach up under that little dress she had on and she let me do it too. She didn’t get mad or nothin, she just started grindin on my hand, gettin all wet, it ain’t my fault she did it...
She puked all over the inside of the truck, the windshield coated in a dark muck. The smell of all that throw up made her throw up more. It happened faster than she knew what was happening. For a moment she wasn’t there.
Aw shit, goddamn it, what the fuck! He threw his spit cup at her, coating her face in a juicy, brown film.
She didn’t have time to react, the truck, the road, the pole all reacted for her. The crash was instant and loud. She flew, no sailed, no floated through the windshield, and again, for a moment, she wasn’t there. Somehow, she had a mouth full of gravel, and her hands were full of corn stalk. From somewhere far away, a child was moaning, it made her feel so sad.
Hey! Hey! You alright? What’d you do that for, why didn’t you have on your seat belt. Aw, what the hell. Your face is all tore up. Why’d you do that, why’d you puke like that. You’re a god damned drunk, just like your pa and your brothers. God damned woman, what is your problem. Hey! Hey! Can you hear me? Wake up. You need help? Get up. Shit, I’m gonna go to the hospital and get the ambulance.
She heard his boots crunch in the gravel as he made his way toward the running motor she assumed belonged to the truck. She managed to turn her self belly up. Through the corn, the sky was pink and blue and the clouds wispy. She wiped her face as best she could and started laughing. It wasn’t really laughing though, more like grunting. She imagined that’s what early people must of sounded like before they could talk. She grunted more at that thought and wished she could be back there, way back there when the world was young.
The corn began leaning in, taking turns, rustling, speaking. Laughing, too. Were they laughing because they’d notice that he had puke on his favorite shirt, or because, like her, they’d notice that when he drove away, he wasn’t driving toward the hospital. They leaned in even more, covering her in sharp green leaves.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Just an observation

As I come across folks who know that Gloria is away I usually get one of three questions: How's Gloria?, How's the bachelor? (or some variation), and How are you getting by? (or some variation).

Can you guess which gender asks which questions? Well, they both ask about Gloria, but women tend to want to know how I'm dealing with it and men want to know how I'm using my freetime.

I'm not gonna analyze it, I think it's funny though. I now try to come up with different answers to gauge reactions. I'm gonna have fun with this!

Friday, June 13, 2008


I came across this website the other night and this is what I found.

I was so young and had a full head of hair. I don't even recognize that guy anymore!

You know, nothing horribly life altering has ever happened to me, ever, so if losing my hair and getting ridiculously fat is life's way of keeping things balanced, well I'll take it.

Friday, June 06, 2008

A Stick Up...That Sums It Up

Let's talk about a stick-up, or being strong-armed, or being taken advantage of.

Some time during our Spring Break, while G-dog and I (Big Baby Jesus) were living it up in ol mejico, my pick up truck was towed. According to the letter from the City Attorney, my truck was "abandoned" and was therefore towed away. The family next door, who knew we were away, ran outside to tell the officer, during his discovery, that the owner of the truck was also the owner of the truck. The officer said "Oh well, he's still parked on the grass" (two tires on the curb and one slightly touching the grass) and had my truck towed. His report said that I had expired plates and that when he checked the DMV database, it confirmed that my registration was expired. Discrepancy: abandoned vehicle (check Indiana Code- it's on the web) is not the same thing as vehicle with expired plates. HMMMM?

So $310 later, I get my truck back. As I'm showing proof of registration to the SBPD clerk, she says "oh, that's weird, I wonder why they towed it" referring to the fact that my registration was UP TO DATE. "You'll have to take it up with the City Attorney then, we can't do anything for you here." They can tow the vehicle, induce me to pay a large amount of money, but they can't correct the error? HMMMM?

As I'm picking up the truck, I notice that the 08 sticker is missing off of my plate. So, I drive to the BMV because I don't want to give The Man anymore reason to hassle me. As I'm paying $10 for a duplicate sticker, I ask the DMV clerk "why didn't my registration show up as valid when the officer ran it in your system." She said "I don't know what you are talking about, if you put in the plate number in our system it shows up as current." She then confirmed it with a supervisor who was walking by. So if he ran it properly, it would have shown up as good? HMMMM?

Let's do some math:

$310 for towing and storage
$10 for police report
$10 for new plate sticker
$128 in lost PTO
= $458 total spent on getting my truck back in the condition I left it in.

So, I call the City Attorney, explain the situation, and he asks me "well, what do you want." I want my money back. So he sends me a claim form, but says that doesn't guarantee I'll get what I want. I fill out the form and decide that all I'm going to claim is the $310, because maybe my sticker was stolen or fell off and if the police would have stopped me or come to my home while I was there, I would have shown him the valid registration and he probably would have told me to go get a replacement. Also, I didn't charge them PTO because I could have tried to do this after work hours, I just didn't want to be any more inconvenienced than I already was. So, just give me back the tow fee because the report says one thing and the letter says another, so someone messed up big time and I need my money back.

I got the letter today from the City Attorney and guess what? They are willing to pay me $155. (duck, here comes the f-bomb) WHAT THE FUCK!?!? Either you are all the way liable or you aren't, you can't be just half way responsible. I'm betting that the city doesn't want to pay all of it and they are banking on my being to busy and inconvenienced that I won't take them to small claims court. I'm betting they do this to most people knowing that they won't stand up for themselves. So, I know someone who knows someone and well...I didn't want to use favors, but I feel I have no choice. I may have to counter their offer with one of my own- how about $458 instead? HMMMM?

Thursday, June 05, 2008

This is a stick up!

Put your hands in the air, Jesus! I'm taking your blog hostage! I'm sick of visiting your blog and not seeing anything new. Write something already!