IndianaJesus

Layer by Layer

2009-03-10T00:18:00.001-04:00

This is a flash fiction piece that I wrote and submitted not too long ago. Thanks, Neil. This thing is open for debate- speak your mind.

******************

But, he didn’t have the answer. And, somehow, she thought, if I stare at him hard enough, I’ll find the answer. Her stare took him apart layer by filthy layer. First, she took his skin and shook it out and beat it like you do a dirty hallway runner. Then she laid it out and, using a critical eye, looked for clues. Like the time he lost the keys to his office an d blamed her for it and they got into that big fight, she found that in there. Then she found the time he lost $386 gambling at the casino and tried to blame it on her and her mismanagement of the checkbook (she was an accountant for chrissakes) and they got into that other big fight. She found other stuff in there too, like the time he sped through that school zone and almost hit a kid, but didn’t tell anyone, a lot of stuff like that. But she didn’t find what she was looking for. For that she would have to dig deeper. The answer was there, somewhere deep in his bones then, she could feel it in hers. She found that time his father took him fishing and then his father passed out drunk and they floated in the middle of the lake until night, after the mosquitoes had eaten him and his father finally woke up. She found the time his father took the dog out back and beat it with a bat for stealing steaks from fridge. But it wasn’t what was she was looking for. She ran her fingers through his entrails, through his veins and squishy brain. She found the time that he was born and his mom and dad were fighting over how much he cost them; they couldn’t pay the mortgage, the hospital bill, for the damned diapers. Let’s just give him away, damnit! That’s not it, she thought. Finally, after enough digging, she found herself floating in the space between his molecules and after enough effort caught an atom between her teeth. She chewed and chewed until she broke it down and found herself floating within its space. And it was beautiful there, that immense nothing. It was peaceful in there, infinite. There it was, so deep inside. She stayed for as long as she could, long enough to appreciate him for his potential. There, deep inside, his peace was forever and there were no more memories, there were no more times. There was only him, and from far away she could feel his heartbeat and wishing she could bring this back with her to show him that it would be ok. She tried putting some this in her pockets, down her shirt, in her shoes, but it leak back out. She had found him deep, deep in there but he wouldn’t believe her. And, so they would have another one of those big fights, and she would tell him he was made of better stuff, his potential was beautiful she’d seen it. But he would just stare at her like she was crazy.

Old Crow Medicine Show

2009-02-01T16:09:00.004-05:00

Glo and I caught OCMS in Indy last night. The show was great, could have been a little louder, but still a great show, full of energy, and the venue was cool. The show was a the Vogue NightClub in the Broad Ripple neighborhood. Here is a taste of what we saw.

I think the part I liked best was when everyone would start hillybilly stomping all at once and you would bounce up and down whether you wanted to or not, a Moonwalk for adults.

Also, Gloria and I hit up Country Kitchen, a little soul food spot near downtown. If you're ever in Indy and and in the mood for some southern cooking, this is the place. The place is a dive, but everyone is friendly and the food is satisfying. Lemonade in jelly jars, biscuits and gravy as big around as your head, and fried pork chops that make you want to slap yo mamma.

MLK, Jr. Day 2009

2009-01-19T08:46:00.003-05:00

These are Martin Luther King, Jr. quotes culled from the Internet, if you find an inaccuracy here, please let me know:

"A genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus.

A nation or civilization that continues to produce soft-minded men purchases its own spiritual death on the installment plan.

A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual doom.

Almost always, the creative dedicated minority has made the world better.

At the center of non-violence stands the principle of love.

Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle. And so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom. A man can't ride you unless your back is bent.

Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.

Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed.

Have we not come to such an impasse in the modern world that we must love our enemies - or else? The chain reaction of evil - hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars - must be broken, or else we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.

I submit to you that if a man hasn't discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live.

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere

Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?'

Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence but also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man, but you refuse to hate him.

Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.

The hope of a secure and livable world lies with disciplined nonconformists who are dedicated to justice, peace and brotherhood."

-Martin Luther King, Jr.

And Away We Go

2009-01-05T17:57:00.002-05:00

So the trip to Texas was good, it would have been great, but I was sick for most of it. Got to see family and friends, and even made a couple of new friends. Gloria was able to meet up with a childhood friend she hadn't see in a long time. Thanks to Facebook, we've been able to reconnect and connect with folks we thought were out or gone from our lives. I'm now in the process, thanks to Facebook, of meeting up with some childhood friends of my own.

I had another Small Word moment over Xmas Break, two actually. The first, Gloria's long lost friend Cindy, had actually lived here in Indiana (Syracuse) after leaving Texas. Her sister lived in Goshen only until recently, and they have in-laws in the area. Then, as we were making the rounds and saying hello to family, we discovered that one of Gloria's peoples is neighbors with my aunt who lives in Mexico.

Oh yeah, we were attacked by flying ice on our way down to Texas and now have two dents on the roof of the RAV to prove it. If it had been much lower, it would have flown through the windshield and decapitated Gloria, that would have been gross. And sad.

Hmmm, we're in the mood to move. It usually happens once or twice a year, and we usually let things hold us back (our finances are so good right now, i need my graduate degree first, we haven't had a kid yet, family, etc). Neil says if we go out to visit him in Colorado, we won't come back. I wouldn't mind Austin, San Antonio less, but nowhere else in Texas unless it was an emergency. So do I start my MLS in state or do I go online, where I can be mobile, but it's expensive? Hmmm?

Let's have a good year, OK.

Merry Christmas

2008-12-24T10:57:00.001-05:00

and so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
the near and the dear ones
the old and the young
a very Merry Christmas
and a Happy New Year
let's hope it's a good one
without any fear...

Creative writing opportunity

2008-12-15T15:44:00.002-05:00

The SBRMA is offering a creative writing "class." I'm interested in signing up (probably will) and hoping this will get me back into the swing of things. I'm hoping to get at least 2 solid stories out of this. Could be fun, whaddya say, come on, you know you wanna...

http://www.sbrma.org/Winterclasses09.htm

Creative Writing: The Art of the Story – All levels | Instructor: Ann Price | Tuesday | 6:30 p.m. – 8:30 p.m. | Member Tuition $51 + Class Fee $10 | Non Member Tuition $64 + Class Fee $10.

Love to read and often think of writing your own masterpiece? Join us, and learn the art of creative writing. Through a combination of group and individual in-class exercises, we will explore ways to generate ideas and develop them into compelling literary works. We will read and discuss samples in class. Students are encouraged to bring works-in-progress.

Isn't there anyone, who knows what Christmas is all about?!

2008-12-09T19:22:00.003-05:00

Favorite Christmas movie of all time.

Perfect!

2008-12-03T19:55:00.006-05:00

I really don't know what synthesizes the meaning, culture, understanding, environment, etc. of Christmas more than this. Yes folks, this epitomizes, embodies, manifests, symbolizes, etc. Christmas more than the Linus monologue from Charlie Brown Christmas, or shooting your eye out with a Red Ryder BB Gun, or even the Star Wars Holiday Special.

I present to you, Christmas, in all of it's glory...

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-27T10:10:00.001-05:00

Soon...

2008-11-23T21:21:00.000-05:00

very, very soon!

The 44th President of the United States

2008-11-04T23:33:00.001-05:00

Fingers Crossed!

2008-11-03T20:26:00.002-05:00

D of the D pix

2008-11-02T14:09:00.004-05:00

Dia de los Muertos Party!!!

2008-10-31T19:02:00.002-04:00

Party FAQ's

What should I bring?
Um bring whatever you wanna bring. The last person I said that to brought up the point that everyone might bring chips. Well then, we'll eat a shit load of chips!!! Really though, don't make it too hard on yourself. Drinks are good, alc or non-alc. Veggie tray, cheese, meat tray, it's all good.

Can/Should I dress up?
Sure, you know what, if you have a costume you want to wear, wear it! Maybe you have fun wig or crazy mask, sure, to it. I'll have a D of the D shirt on, and maybe if you're lucky, I'll put on my Blue Demon (pronounce it in Spanish though) lucha libre mask. But there is no "dress up" requirement.

Time?
It's a 7, but it's like an open house kind of party, not a scheduled activities party. We do have skulls for you to decorate and/or tissue paper flowers for you to make, besides the food, so it's gonna be first come first served. We'll probably even play a couple of game of loteria (Mexican Bingo).

Altar?
Yep, we're gonna have one. No, it's not a black magic/voodoo thing, it's a venerate the dead thing. So bring a memento (favorite food, object, picture) of a dearly departed soul and you can add it to the display, it's respectful and fun!

Making Sugar Skulls

2008-10-30T20:04:00.004-04:00

So we ordered a kit online and started making these a couple days ago. It was really easy and didn't take long, maybe an hour to make about 46. We actually only have about 40 now cuz Marley, our dog with the sweet tooth, got into the skulls today and ate a few. Here are some pix of the process.

Halloween Fun @ Notre Dame

2008-10-30T13:43:00.003-04:00

From the Debartolo ND website, it's like $6 a person. This sounds like a lot of fun and I will do everything to convince Gloria that we need to go. I hope you can make it:

Nosferatu (1922); Symphony of Horror

Friday, October 31, 2008, at 10:00 pm
Browning Cinema

Silent film with recorded score by the Devil Music Ensemble
NR, 85 minutes

F.W. Murnau's German silent classic is the original and some say scariest Dracula adaptation, taking Bram Stoker's novel and turning it into a haunting, shadowy dream full of dread. Count Orlok, the rodentlike vampire frighteningly portrayed by Max Schreck, is perhaps the most animalistic screen portrayal of a vampire ever filmed. Nosferatu is an eerie, menacing film that should not be missed.

Dia de los Muertos @ Snite

2008-10-30T13:37:00.001-04:00

We can't make that event tonight because I just realized that I'll be working. Craps!!

D of the D @ ND

2008-10-25T17:35:00.002-04:00

This sounds like fun, I don't know if we'll be attending, but if a group of folks wants to get together to attend this, let me know.

http://www.nd.edu/~sniteart/edu/public/spec_evnts.html

ND vs. N. Carolina

2008-10-20T20:39:00.004-04:00

ND 24
NC 29

It was ugly. ND lost the game, NC did not win the game, there is a difference. Still, faith. They should still definitely beat Syracuse and Washington this weekend. You better call Tyrone, call him! I'm not so confident about the rest of the schedule though, teams are all of a sudden ranked. I still think ND will qualify for a bowl this year.

ND vs Stanford

2008-10-06T19:22:00.002-04:00

ND 28
Stanford 21

Well, ND won again, so I shouldn't complain, however, I really think ND should have won by more than one touchdown. And the way they lost the ball with 8 seconds left in the game, hmm, yeah, they still need work. I am glad to see the young guys get so much playing time. They're gelling rather well. I once read that if ND wins at least 7 games in a season they have a contract with one bowl or another to attend. It's looking that way to me now. They'll do well next week at N.Carolina. Go Irish!

ND vs. PU

2008-09-30T08:25:00.002-04:00

ND 38
PU 21

It was nice to see the Irish score in the 30's. The first half was a score for score kind of thing, but then ND came back in the second half and Purdue let the game get away from them. ND did have a balanced game, about as much running as passing, more running than last week, that's for sure. I wish I could recap more, but I was busy half the game detonating Irish Car Bombs and stuffing my face. We had some great company over, and I got to laugh at cousin Dave (Purdue Alumni and Staff) for doing the one man wave. Next week, Stanford.

Hey Baby, que paso?

2008-09-23T18:59:00.001-04:00

One of the German bands played this one at Oktoberfest, and they rocked out! Enjoy.

ND vs. Michigan St.

2008-09-23T18:43:00.002-04:00

ND 7
Mich. St. 23

Ouch! I had them losing this game, but still, I wanted them to put up more of a fight. I got warm fuzzies hearing Floyd's name called out so much. I'm telling you, National Champs in two years. They're young and talented and just need time to gel. You'll see. I listened to this game on AM on the way down to Cinci and it was cool that everytime the station I was listening too would fade out, another AM station had the game on crystal clear. Oh, and word about the Irish Nation. I wore my "Shirt" from last year, I don' have the new one yet, and people, other fans, would respond with a "Go, Irish!" and give me a high five or clink my beer mug at Oktoberfest. There were many Irish fans there and it was consoling that they reached to acknowledge another fan. Go Irish indeed.

Oktoberfest

2008-09-20T09:05:00.003-04:00

I may have blogged about this before, but I don't 'member. Glomo and I are heading down to Cincinnati later this afternoon to hang out with my cousin Marcy at Oktoberfest. Unbeknownst to me, Cincinnati hosts the largest Oktoberfest outside of Munich. I'll miss the ND vs Mich. St. game, but I'm hoping I'll be able to get someone to text me the score at the end of every quarter. Go Irish! Go Beer!

ND vs Michigan

2008-09-15T19:26:00.003-04:00

ND 35
Michigan 17

Ok, I wanted the Irish to win this one, but I had them losing this game on my schedule. Surprise! Anyway, the quick scores in the first 3 minutes of the game gave them all of the momentum necessary to run over the hapless Wolverines. If it hadn't of been for those quick scores, hmm, a toss up. A win is a win and ND did look better than last week. The Weis replay, on HD, ugly. Michigan St. is up next and that is normally a tricky game regardless of rankings, talent, el Nino, etc. Unfortunately, we'll be on our way to Cincinnati for Oktoberfest so we won't be watching the game. Wait, did I say "unfortunately" and "Oktoberfest" in the same sentence? Quick, someone beer me!

ND vs San Diego St.

2008-09-06T20:42:00.002-04:00

ND 21
San Diego St. 13

It was an ugly, worrisome win. ND struggled big time in the first half. Sure, some bright spots, Golden Tate and Armando Allen, and I have hope they'll improve. I'm sticking to my 7-5 prediction for the season.

He Ain't Nuthing But A Hound Dog!

2008-08-28T17:39:00.010-04:00

"When I die, they'll say 'he couldn't play shit, but he sure made it sound good!' " -Hound Dog Taylor

I don't know what got me into a Hound Dog mood, so, well, here I am. Hound Dog didn't get as big as the other Chicago Bluesmen, as far as I can tell , he preferred rocking house parties and playing in the nastiest, dirtiest, realist, blues clubs in Chicago. He was accompanied by a drummer- Ted Harvey and a guitarist- Brewer Phillips. HD and Phillips traded the rhythm and bass line so that the other could play lead. They were a throwback band so to speak, back in the day, before the electric bass, folks played the bass/rhythm lines on a second guitar. I had the opportunity to listen first hand, from David Myers (of Little Walter fame), about how this was accomplished. But that's a story for another time.

There was nothing beautiful about Hound Dog, he played on cheap equipment, had an unpolished voice, and lived a hard life. He was tall, slim, and had a big goofy smile. He also told nearly incomprehensible jokes that only he found funny and didn't mind laughing hysterically and putting his hands up to cover his face. His music was so raw and unpretentious. This wasn't music to be dissected and studied, it was to be enjoyed. It was fun, he was having fun, the people were having fun. And that's what makes him most beautiful to me, what you see, what you hear, it's honest. There's nothing more beautiful than the truth.

I guess what I'm getting at is that the blues is about doing. You do sex, you don't perform it. You do love, you don't perform it. You do life, you don't perform it. Hound Dog did the blues and it was genuine.

HD cut about 4 records before he died, towards the end he and his band started to pick up a following. His was the first album released on Alligator records because other labels didn't want to record him, so his manager started up a label just for him. Alligator is still around by the way.
oh yeah, Hound Dog didn't just cut records, he also cut an extra digit off of one of his hands. You see, Hound Dog had six digits on each hand, and as the story goes, he got drunk one night and amputated one of them himself with a broken bottle.

This is a guy I really would have liked to see play, he died in the 70's though, but not before he was recorded on film or tape. Thanks to Youtube, some of his live performances live on.

So I've got some Dog for you, sit back, turn it way up, and let those PC speakers distort and if you feel it, yell out "Sho nuff" one time loud enough for the Dog to hear you.

I loves/hates my internets!

2008-08-15T16:43:00.003-04:00

What I both love and hate about the internet. Somehow, exactly how I don’t know, these phenomena have made the internet a better but shittier place.

**not quite finished- too bad soo sad!

1. elitterit kats
2. My Face Ning
3. blogs, vlogs, wiki’s
4. OMG! TMZ WTF
5. del.icio.us, rss, digg
6. Nigerian Scams
7. Memes and Swedes
8. Craig’s Ebay list
9. Flikr, Resizr, Stupidr
10. Google it!

Guess What?

2008-08-10T22:38:00.003-04:00

Los Lobos have just been announced as the secret guest band that will close out the festival on Sunday night, Aug. 24. Sure it's a Sunday night and we have to work the next day, and yes, it's a free festival so there will be a ton of people, but what the hell...WE ARE THERE!

oh yeah!

2008-08-10T22:34:00.002-04:00

Cesar and Conrad playing in the background.

First Take

2008-08-09T10:30:00.003-04:00

I started the garden late this year, but here are the first fruits of my labor!

La Pistola y el Corazon

2008-08-07T19:47:00.000-04:00

Good Morning Aztlan

2008-08-07T19:43:00.001-04:00

In Two Days...

2008-08-07T19:04:00.003-04:00

The Gloworm and yours truly will be in Indy jamming out to two great bands. Of course, I'm mostly going for the Lobos, but I've read some concert reviews and I'm excited to see the two bands interact and perform on each other's songs. Rock On!

Random thoughts at 8:20 pm on a Wednesday

2008-08-06T20:11:00.005-04:00

-I think that, after some discussion with a coworker we'll refer to as "Naire", I'll begin writing urban vampire romance novels under the pen name January August.

-When parents are hotter than their kids, do the kids grow up with more self esteem issues or less?

-Babies are way funny when they're just learning to walk and they wave their little arms over their gigantic heads trying not to fall down and then they fall anyway.

-In Spanish, handcuffs are "esposas" which can also mean wives. And hunt is "cazar" which if just said and not read means to wed.

-Sometimes, during a storm, I think it'd be great to be hit by lighting and become a superhero.

-A couple in a parking lot the other day were discussing this and suddenly Jerry Springer made sense : "you've hit me in the face before, yes you have, yes you have, you've hit me in the face before, don't lie, yes you have, yes you have" she said with a smile on her face as she gets in the truck with her man.

-I'd like to "appear" on NPRs this I believe and say "This I believe" and just sit there in silence, my breathing being the only audible sound

-And Twins!!!

Check out this site

2008-08-06T09:47:00.002-04:00

So little brother decided to join the online world, check out his site here. What you'll see here is his exploration of digital art. Some of you who were at my Dia de los Muertos party last year saw some of is traditional work on my walls, work that I'm "storing" for him (I hope he forgets it's here!). If he's smart, he'll have his slides tranferred and post those images on his site also. Also, if you've ever driven past Alonzo Watson park on Western Ave and Chapin, that colorful shelter is his doing. Enjoy!

9 Years!!

2008-08-05T11:25:00.002-04:00

Gloria and I have been married 9 years as of today, it's gone by faster than I thought it would. Time flies and all that...

Bad Google, Bad Google, go to your crate!

2008-07-07T12:27:00.003-04:00

That damned Google, it has become an enemy of intellect! We must combat this evil, fellow readers arm yourselves.

Too big baby jesus?

2008-06-28T12:07:00.004-04:00

Walking around Farmer's Market this morning, I noticed I was bumping into more people than normal. Sure, the place was packed, but I'm usually aware of my "space" and I'm pretty good at navigating my way through a crowd without so much as bumping elbows or stepping on feet. But today, every move I made seemed to be the wrong move. After a while, I got so frustrated that I purposely avoided all collisions- I felt like a bumper in a pinball machine. It's funny though, I started wondering why it was that everyone else I bumped into wasn't making an effort to avoid me. I wonder if our increasing social isolation is having an effect on our subconscious- remember Crash?

The events of this morning got me thinking about a goal I wanted to accomplish this summer: to lose some weight, about 20lbs to get me started, and take some pressure of my bad back, bad knees, bad knees, balding head- wait! I've lost large amounts of weight before and my body responds extremely well to exercise, however, this time around, it's really really hard. I've been walking my dogs on a daily basis for 20-30 minutes a day and it's painful!! I feel like an ass for having let myself go like this. Not that I was ever "in shape", but looking at that senior picture (posted a few posts back) reminded me of how active I was back then.

Recently, I've even had to stop walking my dogs with the same frequency, because I hurt myself. Walking. How pathetic. But, it's not that I have unhealthy diet habits- beer and bbq aside, I eat plenty of whole grains, veggies, lean meats. I think though, my problem is the "plenty" part. I eat too much of the good stuff. Too much. I recently read an article naming the "best food for men" and I eat most of it.

I just need to get moving- no excuse. Time to fix the bike or go for a swim if the joints hurt, also that's what Aleve is for anyway right?

All Golden

2008-06-19T01:23:00.001-04:00

But they didn’t stand a chance and somehow it didn’t matter. To her or to him, nobody. They drove through the early morning dawn, that dirty green pick-up bounced along the dirt road in a never ending death rattle. Yeah, somehow it didn’t matter, but that couldn’t be right could it, she wondered?
I know, I know. I’m sorry, he said. I’ll try harder next time.
She didn’t need to look at him as he spoke to know that he had a sad puppy dog look on his face, she knew, she knew. She looked out into fields, she wanted to be a corn stalk, lost among the others, all golden inside.
He reached across the seat and made for his spit cup. That Big Gulp had paid itself off a hundred times over, this was the best spitter he’d ever had.
Look at this thing wouldja, it’s unbeatable, I’ve had it for like a month now. Damn! Christ, don’t look so sad he said.
I aint sad, just tired, she said.
Aww, c’mon, it’ll be good again, you’ll see. We’ll get home and we’ll turn on the tube and some animal show’ll be on and I’ll say damn, what do you think that platypus taste like and you’ll be all...
She closed her eyes and gritted her teeth. She could taste the beer coming up. This part made her sick. This is the part that she knew better, she knew better, but did nothing about. That tone of voice, those words, like so much hot mud being poured all in her. She’d let his stupid reasons numb her good until next time he betrayed her.
I can’t never do no good by you, you know that he said. I always seem to get things wrong, I can’t never do no right, he said.
She sure looked happy, you musta been doin something right. You had a big grin on that big fat farmer face of yours too. You made a fool of us. I hate you, asshole. I’m glad I lost that baby, he would be been just as dumb as me and an asshole like you. I lost him cuz a you, you know.
Damn, we both know that! What was I supposed to do. You know I can’t help myself,you know that doctor at the prison said I was compulsive or impulsive, some kind of sive.
Sieve is right!
Jasmine was just there, looking real good, and I just couldn’t help it, you know, I just had to reach up under that little dress she had on and she let me do it too. She didn’t get mad or nothin, she just started grindin on my hand, gettin all wet, it ain’t my fault she did it...
She puked all over the inside of the truck, the windshield coated in a dark muck. The smell of all that throw up made her throw up more. It happened faster than she knew what was happening. For a moment she wasn’t there.
Aw shit, goddamn it, what the fuck! He threw his spit cup at her, coating her face in a juicy, brown film.
She didn’t have time to react, the truck, the road, the pole all reacted for her. The crash was instant and loud. She flew, no sailed, no floated through the windshield, and again, for a moment, she wasn’t there. Somehow, she had a mouth full of gravel, and her hands were full of corn stalk. From somewhere far away, a child was moaning, it made her feel so sad.
Hey! Hey! You alright? What’d you do that for, why didn’t you have on your seat belt. Aw, what the hell. Your face is all tore up. Why’d you do that, why’d you puke like that. You’re a god damned drunk, just like your pa and your brothers. God damned woman, what is your problem. Hey! Hey! Can you hear me? Wake up. You need help? Get up. Shit, I’m gonna go to the hospital and get the ambulance.
She heard his boots crunch in the gravel as he made his way toward the running motor she assumed belonged to the truck. She managed to turn her self belly up. Through the corn, the sky was pink and blue and the clouds wispy. She wiped her face as best she could and started laughing. It wasn’t really laughing though, more like grunting. She imagined that’s what early people must of sounded like before they could talk. She grunted more at that thought and wished she could be back there, way back there when the world was young.
The corn began leaning in, taking turns, rustling, speaking. Laughing, too. Were they laughing because they’d notice that he had puke on his favorite shirt, or because, like her, they’d notice that when he drove away, he wasn’t driving toward the hospital. They leaned in even more, covering her in sharp green leaves.

Just an observation

2008-06-18T11:18:00.003-04:00

As I come across folks who know that Gloria is away I usually get one of three questions: How's Gloria?, How's the bachelor? (or some variation), and How are you getting by? (or some variation).

Can you guess which gender asks which questions? Well, they both ask about Gloria, but women tend to want to know how I'm dealing with it and men want to know how I'm using my freetime.

I'm not gonna analyze it, I think it's funny though. I now try to come up with different answers to gauge reactions. I'm gonna have fun with this!

Sheesh!

2008-06-13T18:22:00.003-04:00

I came across this website the other night and this is what I found.

I was so young and had a full head of hair. I don't even recognize that guy anymore!

You know, nothing horribly life altering has ever happened to me, ever, so if losing my hair and getting ridiculously fat is life's way of keeping things balanced, well I'll take it.

A Stick Up...That Sums It Up

2008-06-06T20:49:00.004-04:00

Let's talk about a stick-up, or being strong-armed, or being taken advantage of.

Some time during our Spring Break, while G-dog and I (Big Baby Jesus) were living it up in ol mejico, my pick up truck was towed. According to the letter from the City Attorney, my truck was "abandoned" and was therefore towed away. The family next door, who knew we were away, ran outside to tell the officer, during his discovery, that the owner of the truck was also the owner of the truck. The officer said "Oh well, he's still parked on the grass" (two tires on the curb and one slightly touching the grass) and had my truck towed. His report said that I had expired plates and that when he checked the DMV database, it confirmed that my registration was expired. Discrepancy: abandoned vehicle (check Indiana Code- it's on the web) is not the same thing as vehicle with expired plates. HMMMM?

So $310 later, I get my truck back. As I'm showing proof of registration to the SBPD clerk, she says "oh, that's weird, I wonder why they towed it" referring to the fact that my registration was UP TO DATE. "You'll have to take it up with the City Attorney then, we can't do anything for you here." They can tow the vehicle, induce me to pay a large amount of money, but they can't correct the error? HMMMM?

As I'm picking up the truck, I notice that the 08 sticker is missing off of my plate. So, I drive to the BMV because I don't want to give The Man anymore reason to hassle me. As I'm paying $10 for a duplicate sticker, I ask the DMV clerk "why didn't my registration show up as valid when the officer ran it in your system." She said "I don't know what you are talking about, if you put in the plate number in our system it shows up as current." She then confirmed it with a supervisor who was walking by. So if he ran it properly, it would have shown up as good? HMMMM?

Let's do some math:

$310 for towing and storage
$10 for police report
$10 for new plate sticker
$128 in lost PTO
= $458 total spent on getting my truck back in the condition I left it in.

So, I call the City Attorney, explain the situation, and he asks me "well, what do you want." I want my money back. So he sends me a claim form, but says that doesn't guarantee I'll get what I want. I fill out the form and decide that all I'm going to claim is the $310, because maybe my sticker was stolen or fell off and if the police would have stopped me or come to my home while I was there, I would have shown him the valid registration and he probably would have told me to go get a replacement. Also, I didn't charge them PTO because I could have tried to do this after work hours, I just didn't want to be any more inconvenienced than I already was. So, just give me back the tow fee because the report says one thing and the letter says another, so someone messed up big time and I need my money back.

I got the letter today from the City Attorney and guess what? They are willing to pay me $155. (duck, here comes the f-bomb) WHAT THE FUCK!?!? Either you are all the way liable or you aren't, you can't be just half way responsible. I'm betting that the city doesn't want to pay all of it and they are banking on my being to busy and inconvenienced that I won't take them to small claims court. I'm betting they do this to most people knowing that they won't stand up for themselves. So, I know someone who knows someone and well...I didn't want to use favors, but I feel I have no choice. I may have to counter their offer with one of my own- how about $458 instead? HMMMM?

This is a stick up!

2008-06-05T22:18:00.001-04:00

Put your hands in the air, Jesus! I'm taking your blog hostage! I'm sick of visiting your blog and not seeing anything new. Write something already!

Decisions, decisions

2008-05-28T12:06:00.004-04:00

So the Gloworm and I are feeling a wee bit restless. We both are ready to have kids (long story here, most of you know it), ready to get our Master's, and ready to live somewhere else.

The first idea was to move to Bloomington. IU offers both an MLS and a Masters in Ed. Perfect. We could both get our degrees from the same place at the same time. Two weekends ago, we helped move a couple down to Lexington, KY. On the way back we took a detour through Bloomington to check the place out. I really like the feel of the place. However, jobs seem to be a bit hard to come by. Gloria and I would like to work and go to school at the same time, but we don't want to financially back slide too much. Also, we only have a few contacts in Bloomington, so we wouldn't be able to rely on others to help us out if we needed.

This past weekend we were hanging out with my cousin David and his wife Chastity in Lafayette. We toured Purdue and West Lafayette and we were pleasantly surprised. If we were to move to Lafayette, we would have family nearby, Gloria could work on her Master's there, and jobs would be easier to come by. However, I would have to commute to IUPUI (about 45 mins away) for my MLS.

Of course there are many other details to work out and maybe even a third option we haven't thought of, but time really does begin to fly once you get older and busier, and deadlines will be here before we know it, so decisions will have to be made and plans formulated sooner than we may want to.

So, chime in.

We interrupt this blog for an important message

2008-05-06T09:15:00.002-04:00

GO VOTE!
GO VOTE!
GO VOTE!
GO VOTE!
GO VOTE!
GO VOTE!
GO VOTE!
GO VOTE!
GO VOTE!

Irapuato Market Musicians

2008-05-05T08:43:00.001-04:00

I wish I had more video of these guys. I never got their names or the name of the song. I was so awestruck I didn't even tip them more than what they asked for (15 pesos, what a steal). I wish someone would pay me to travel the world recording street musicians. I take that back, I wouldn't ask for payment, just expenses, the performances would be payment enough. Gloria and I once saw a street musician in New Orleans play a one string guitar. The lyrics went something like this: praise Jesus, praise Jesus, praise Jesus. That same day we saw an impromptu jam session of N'awlin's style jazz in the middle of St. Charles Cathedral square. The trombone player sang like Louis Armstrong of course, but he could fill the square with his voice. Wild.

Here are the lyrics (as best as I could understand them) and a rough translation. If this isn't the blues, I don't know what is.

Cuando salgo a los campos me acuerdo
De un amor que yo tuve en un tiempo
Hoy la miro y me da sentimiento
Sentimiento por ese ingrato amor

Tu eres rico y te llena de orgullo
Yo so pobre y tirado a los vicios
Te lo digo borracho quien me juicio
Otro amor como el mio no lo has de hallar.

Tu eres rico y te llena de orgullo
Yo so pobre y tirado a los vicios
Te lo digo borracho quien me juicio
Otro amor como el mio no lo has de hallar.

*****

When I head out to the fields I remember
Of a love that I had once upon a time
Now I see her and it gives me sorrow
Sorrow over an ungrateful love

You are rich and she fills you with pride
I am poor and slave to my vices
I tell you this drunk- who more can judge me
Another love like mine you’ll never find it.

You are rich and she fills you with pride
I am poor and slave to my vices
I tell you this drunk- who more can judge me
Another love like mine you’ll never find it.

The village part II

2008-04-25T17:27:00.003-04:00

Papaya tree in gramps backyard. Grown with "illegal" water- according to the village honchos, rationed water should not be used for watering plants. My grandfather, you see, is something of a rebel, always has been, always will be. He unionized fellow workers in the limestone factory before he knew what a union was, he "saved" my "captive" grandmother from her own family with a machete in one hand and my grandma over his shoulder (remind me sometime to tell you this story), after using up his bracero status he purchased a new name and went right back to work. Behold, the fruits of his labor.

The house were my mother was raised. It now belongs to my cousin Martin and the front room has been converted into a convenience store. There have been sightings lately of a young girl dressed up in a old school hacienda outfit. The day this picture was taken, the story was relayed to my grandfather. He said it was my grandmother watching over the house. He said the description fits the same image of her when they were kids. He said he as a 5 years old when he first saw my grandmother Marcelina. That day, he told us, she entered him through the eyes and settled in his heart. That image of her stayed with him until they were married in adulthood.

My grandfather, Apolonio, holding court. He may have been retelling the story of when President Truman called the Mexican president and requested "arms" for the cause of WWII. The Mexican president sent the fabled Fighting Squadron 201. President Truman said he needed more than that, his crops were going to be lost. My gramps answered the call, along with thousands of other Mexican peasants. After saving America's agricultural ass, they were thrown out without even a pat on the back.

My cousin Cruz' other boy exercising the horses. They have been receiving some training to perform in Charro events, but mostly they get rented out to those in need of work animals.

Passing the evening on the front stoop. It's good manners to say "good evening" to everyone who comes by, whether you know them or not. At this time the evening sun is burning up the back part of the house while the front part of the house cooled by the breeze racing dust clouds up and down the street.

Goats!

2008-04-20T21:28:00.003-04:00

My cousin Cruz' kid bringing home the goats. Everyday after school, Juan goes up the hill to meet his father who is taking care of the goats. Cruz is disabled, having broken his femur in a farming accident and is limited in the kind of work he can do, so he raises goats, horses, and a donkey and sells and/or rents the animals out. Juan is about 8 years old and loves bringing home the animals. After this chore was finished on this day, he found a shady spot outside of his house and settled down to read a book of prayers.

The Village

2008-04-15T20:12:00.006-04:00

My grandfather, Apolonio Robledo, says that when he was a kid there were only 13 houses in the village of Taretan, which everyone calls Tareta. No one knows when the village was founded or where the name comes from. Tareta was born of the hills and river that surround it, just came to life one day.

My grandfather was born on April 10, 1920. That makes him 88 years old. His mind is sharp and his arms are strong. A few years ago he suffered a fall from a ladder and landed on his knees. Any other man of his age would have been put in a wheel chair for life, my grandfather simply walks slower. He takes a cane along with him when he travels to town (Irapuato), but he tells me it's more for show, and he winks at me as he makes a chopping motion.

Tareta has plotted his death, put a curse on him, attempted to steal his lands, and broken his heart. My grandfather, however, is made of tougher stuff and he refuses to give up on this village, he knows it can be a better place

Here are a few shot's of life in the village.

This is Tareta. Most of the village is hidden as it drops down and away. Past the village are foreign owned businesses ( los americanos!!) that refuse to hire the local men and women citing a lack of preparedness. The underground water supply though seems to be good enough to take.

This is the home my grandfather currenlty lives in. Little by little he adds to it, an extra room here, a shower there, etc. It has three showers and two bathrooms, but no water! The nicer brick and tile work was completed by a "maestro", but the rest of the work is my grandfather's. This is the second or third house he has built in the village. He was the first to have a working toilet and shower by the way.

Here is one of the altars in my grandfather's house. No altar is complete without the image of the Virgen, the Pope, or JFK. If you have all three it's a hat trick.

Here's Gloria doing the dishes old school. She is washing up in something called a "pila". It's an old fashioned wash basin that is made of cement and can be mounted anywhere. Since we were living out of water barrels, it was easier to do the dishes and other "water work" outside. The pila faces the backyard which is filled with fruit trees and a chicken with seven chicks, and in the distance you can see wheat fields and the mountains.

Here we are on our way to catch the bus into town. That's my grandfather with his cane/weapon, Herculana, his wife, and some thug that snuck in when no one was looking. Herculana is not my grandmother. She married my grandfather sometime after my grandmother, Marcelina, died after complications during childbirth. My mother was only 3 when Marcelina died, but she has regular visits with her via dreams.

More village pix soon.

Mexico Lindo y Querido!

2008-04-14T17:54:00.003-04:00

The gloworm and I just got back from spending a whole week in Mexico. We were visiting my grandfather in Tareta. Tareta is a tiny village just north of Irapuato, Guanajuato. Guanajuato is a state just north of Mexico City. We spent the first four days day tripping to other cities. I'll post something every other day or so from our travels in the state of Guanajuato.

Here are a few pictures to get us going. As you'll notice, there was a ton of natural light. It was sunny, without a cloud in the sky, in the mid 90's. My bald head was sunburned the first day there. Heat was dry and it hadn't rained in weeks, or while we were there. There was a fine layer of dust on everything, however Mexico's beautiful colors were able to shine through.

A street in Guanajuato (the city).

A passageway through a museum in Irapuato.

Flowers in an alley in San Miguel de Allende.

A door pic for Talia!

We're off to see the Wizard...

2008-04-04T16:59:00.001-04:00

...see ya in a week!

Hello, do we have any poets out there tonight?

2008-03-31T17:56:00.002-04:00

So, I need your help. Well, my nephew Estevan needs your help. He has an assignment due in a couple of weeks involving poetry. He needs to find one poem for each of the themes below. I'm not saying give us the poem, but if you can point him in the right direction,maybe a title, a poet, etc. I would forever be in your debt.

Thanks!

> Here are the Themes for the poetry project
>
> -Season of birth
> -poem about a boy or girl
> -family/parent/siblings
> -house pets
> -friends/friendships
> -school days
> -activities/pastimes(sports/hobbies)
> -Dreams/goals
> -recollections/memories
> -likes/dislikes
> -death
> -humor
> -values
> -chiledhood
> -changes/passages

Hello, it's me.

2008-03-11T19:52:00.002-04:00

I've been sick and busy lately so I haven't been posting. I've been doing some reading, currently I'm enjoying "The Somnambulist". It kind of reminds me of the Moonstone and a Borges story, with a little X-files thrown in there for the heck of it. Glo and I will be going to Guanajuato in April for a week, I'm definitely looking forward to that. I probably won't start my MLS until fall. That's it for now.

Later.

Hey, Guess What?

2008-02-23T20:08:00.003-05:00

Gloria got the grant, she's going to India! I won't say too much here, because I'm sure she'll keep everyone posted over on her blog. But I'm very excited for her, proud of her and a little jealous of her. Way to go, Gloria!

A Love poem

2008-02-14T13:57:00.005-05:00

I love the way my windshield wipers blur the windshield
I love the way the vet bill came in under the estimate
I love the way my house is freezing in some corners
I love the way I was almost T-boned in traffic today
I love the way Britney Spears invaded this poem
I love the way pizza and beer gimme heartburn
I love the way kids can be jerks and not care
I love the way things can't be as easy as pie
I love the way dumb people just don't know
I love the way it all comes down to money
yeah

Gung Hay Fat Choy!!

2008-02-07T21:20:00.001-05:00

Happy Year of the RAT!

Updates

2008-02-07T20:53:00.000-05:00

Updated the blog roll on the right hand side there. If you see your link and you don't want it there, tell me and I I'll drop it.

Gloria decided to join Bloglandia, go there and give her a nice welcome.

Ella is getting surgery tomorrow, hope she makes a quick recovery.

If you know someone who needs a part time job, I'm looking for someone to perform circulation/clerical duties for the READMOBILE. Taking apps until the 18th.

Junot Diaz "The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao"- great book, probably my favorite of 2007. Diaz's first book "Drown" was a great collection of short stories. 11 years later you get more of the same, but the writing is that good, do yourself a favor and read it.

What's up with the potholes all around town? Has anyone been down Western Ave, it's a nightmare.

Still thinking about the waste of time that was "Cloverfield."

Still debating displaying the Jamie Lynn Spears bio on the bus.

Mostly just stressed out and getting really, really, really fat.

Pooch update

2008-02-04T12:01:00.000-05:00

Brought the dogs home early on Sunday because bloodwork came back in the normal range. We still have to keep an eye on them and keep up with the their meds (yes, we are absolutely sure they can't get to these, they're kept in a safe place) and Ella still needs to get the ACL surgery. We're getting it done on Friday, we met with the surgeon this morning. It all sounds pretty routine.

Thanks to everyone who kept the dogs in their thoughts. I'm sure all of the positive energy sent their way really helped.

This week has gone to the dogs

2008-02-01T22:43:00.000-05:00

Gloria and I have two dogs, Ella and Marley.

On Wednesday, Ella tore her ACL and was in much pain. Thankfully, Gloria had a snow day and was able to get Ella to the vet. We learned how much it was going to cost to "fix" Ella, but we just grinned and beared it and we were happy to be in a position to help her.

Today, I came home early and found Ella's EMPTY bottle of pain medication. Immediately I figured the culprit to be Marley. Marley can open anything with a lid- the butter container, tupperware, mixed nut containers, etc. Hell, he can even delicately unwrap individual pieces of candy. I found the empty bottle of meds near Marley's spot so I assumed he had eaten all of it. I rushed him to the vet and they got to work on him right away. I was told his care and treatment would be expen$ive. Okay, well we cancel the May trip to Texas. Fine, let's get him taken care of.

I get home and Gloria tells me that Ella is acting funny. Drowsy, weird breathing, "different". Now we start thinking that maybe Ella ate the pills. The thing about Ella and Marley is that Marley is the thief, but Ella is the bully. And even though she's been limping around here, she still runs the show. So it's very possible that after Marley opened the container, Ella took the pills from him. So now we rush her to the vet.

Since there is no test or obvious symptoms, both dogs must now be treated. The vet tells us that by the time a dog shows a symptom, it is too late. So even though both dogs seemed normal, except for Ella who was acting a little different, if we would have kept them at home we wouldn't have really noticed anything until they keeled over and died.

So now they're at the emergency vet, and if they live through Sunday, they will have made it through the toughest part and we can bring them home. But we weren't promised anything. It's possible that one or both are so toxic that even with all of the treatments they're receiving, they can still die.

After all is said and done, all of this will cost (including Ella's ACL sugery) us about 7 months worth of mortgage payments.

Anyone looking for roommates?

I love our dogs and my joking about how much this is going to cost us may sound cruel, but the reality of the financial cost of this is nearly overwhelming; this is going to put a huge dent in the ol checkbook.

However, Gloria and I love our dogs too much to not give them a fighting chance. Some people out there won't understand going into debt for a pet, that's fine, you don't have to, it's more important to me to know that I've tried to keep my humanity in tact.

I hope to have good news on Sunday.

Let your hair down

2008-01-27T13:52:00.000-05:00

This song makes me wish I was a girl with long hair and records.

Oh man, I didn't know I could read

2008-01-21T08:27:00.000-05:00

I'm so interesting.

Pandora

2008-01-17T16:02:00.001-05:00

I'm totally diggin' Pandora right now. It's a great free music listening site. After a free and ad free sign up, you start identifying artists that you like. Pandora then plays songs by that artist and similar artists. You're allowed to rate the songs as they come on, the more you rate the more you tailor the music. Also, adding more than one artist allows you to create "stations" that play a mix of music you like. Very cool and very free. How is this different than other internet radio you ask? Well, you certainly have more control over what you listen to and there are no commercials ever, unless you count staring at the website, but all you have to do is create another tab in your browser and let Pandora play in the background.

Enjoy!

Yeah

2008-01-14T21:46:00.000-05:00

I was at a workshop today with librarians from all over northern Indiana. We'd come together to view the best children's books of the year and to pick a "winner" from out of all of them. I got up to stretch my legs and take a break and so I walked out into the hallway. I said to hello to one of my fellow librarians who was out in the hallway and it took her by surprise. She had a flight or fight response moment and did a nervous laugh. I said something like needing a break from all of the books and she said "yeah and probably from all those women too. Now you know what it feels like to be a minority." I looked at her for a moment and then said "I've had that feeling my whole life, trust me I know what it feels like." It took her a moment to realize what I meant and she avoided me the rest of the day.

***************************************************************************************

I saw a great show on dogs on PBS the other night. It was about the origin of man's best friend and it made me think about all of those fundamentalists who want to teach Intelligent Design in school. Scientist know that dogs and wolves are pretty much the same animal, they can breed and create viable offspring. However, it is the dogs ability to co-exist with man that sets it apart. How did we dogs from wolves?

There was a segment on Russian foxes being raised for all of you fur coat lovers out there. The farmers wanted a kinder gentler fox (who was willing to unzip himself from his coat and hand it over I guess) so they got a geneticist to breed for this behavior. He picked the foxes that showed the most tolerance towards humans and bred them. He did this repeatedly over several generations and as the foxes became friendlier they started changing physically. Their fur began to change color and their ears started to fold down. Soon these foxes were even responding to names.

This experiment reinforces the idea that it was the more tolerant wolves that became dogs, possibly within one human lifespan (that's pretty fast), and why dogs can still breed with wolves, but get along with humans. I know this isn't definite proof of Evolution, but come on you doubters, something is happening here.

*************************************************************************************

I was walking through Farmer's Market the other day with Gloria and my brother, his wife, and their baby. I was disappointed that the meat guys weren't there. I don't know their names but I'm not talking about the Italian deli folks or the poultry people. I'm talking about the butchers who have that corner display. Anyway, I was upset because they didn't have the headcheese out. Headcheese is one of those old school things that once it disappears, we've lost a connection to the past. If you haven't had headcheese, you should go out this weekend and buy some. It makes a great sandwich.

And speaking of the Farmer's Market, Gloria and I hit that giant one out there in Elkhart and we were not impressed. Where were all of the farmers? It was like an Amish Walmart or something. There were tons of crafts and hokey health remedies, there was a food court (Buffalo burgers), and stands that sold "stuff". Maybe a couple of produce stands and a couple of butchers, everything else was cholesterol for your life. I know what you're thinking, the South Bend Farmer's Market has a bunch of stuff sellers too, but come on, you have a beautiful new facility and you're going to fill it with flea market/festival crap? We didn't see the greatness that others see. Sorry.

Did I scare you?

2008-01-10T20:40:00.000-05:00

K, Gloria thinks I may have scared some a ya good folks with that last post. I think Tay is weird, but that's ok. I totally dig what he represents, not his "talent", but that anyone can broadcast themselves across the netverse. This guy has been seen by millions of people, got a Dr. Pepper deal, has been interviewed on t.v., all because he is BRAVE enough to share his unique talent with the world.

Don't hate. It isn't healthy.

I'm thinking of starting a new blog (instead of screwing around with my Youtube account) where I post all of the videos I find quirky, fun, brave, etc. There are alot of folks out there with unique talent that aren't picked up by the mainstream media. I'd like to do my small part and expand their borders beyond Youtube. I don't know when I'll do this, but it should happen within the month.

God given right!

2008-01-07T20:09:00.004-05:00

I love Youtube. I love it. People like this guy get to do their thing, and if they're lucky, find a bit of fame.

To paraphrase Shelby from "Hustle & Flow": Every man has got the God damned right contribute a verse.

Michael, Row the Boat Ashore

2008-01-06T23:25:00.000-05:00

DDL has been posting pix of churches on his blog after he started thinking of them as vessels; ships that transport the soul to some other place. In an earlier post on my own blog I mentioned that I might have a response. I thought I was close to one, but I'm still not satisfied with it. I guess I was looking to the vessel idea to help me somehow shape my own memories into something worthy of being read. But the more I try to write about my childhood church experience, the more I find myself being distracted by some other memory; some other story to tell.

I don't have a reason not to write about my experience. I wasn't molested by a priest or beaten by nuns. I wasn't trapped under a statue of the Virgin Mary and scarred for life. My experience is nothing like that. I loved going to church every Sunday and being surrounded by smiling faces. The atmosphere was so clean and calm. Sure, there were many Sundays that I was bored out of my gourd listening to the priest give his homily in broken Spanish. I didn't understand what he was saying most of the time, figuratively and literally. But I had so many good times.

I loved the Sundays when babies where baptized because after the baby was presented to the parish, we all got to clap. Most of the time we had to be quiet in church, but on this occasion, we got to make noise. And for a kid like me, making noise was great. I also loved the Sundays when my mom, who was a Guadalupana (some magical order of superwomen, kind of like the Superfriends I think) was in charge of serving coffee and pan dulce in the church basement for one reason or another. That usually meant I'd be in the basement before mass ended, and as we walked down the side aisle, I'd grin at the kids who had to stay in church longer than me. I also got first pick of the sweet bread.

What I loved most of all about going to Mass on Sunday was going to my Grandfather's house afterward. Most folks have family reunions on Holidays or summertime, for us it was every Sunday. We'd feast on peasant food: tortillas, frijoles, huevos, cafe and spend the rest of the day celebrating life. My grandfather would tell us stories both fantastic and heart-breaking. If it was a hot day, we'd all pile into a couple of vehicles and head to the beach. Sometimes we'd walk down to Pulaski park and pick blackberries and come back home with purple everything. Most Sundays, all the cousins played until dark, until we smelled like sweat and dirt, and our throat were sore from shouting.

About 6 years ago, a long time after cynicism had set in and religion (Religion is the opiate of the people! and all that) was nothing but a phase, I was told by mother that St. Stephen's was going to close. Not only was it going to close, but it was going to be knocked down. I gave a shrug; c'est la vie. Sometime after that, Gloria and I were driving through the west side of town and as we drove down Western Avenue I happened to glance over at the church and realized I could no longer spot the steeple from over the trees. I slowed down and drove towards the church and saw a wrecking ball. I had never seen one in real life and the scene took on a surreal feel. They were knocking down the church. Memories flooded my mind and I sat there dumb founded.

The church was cordoned off, workers in orange work vests and yellow hard hats swarming the site, the wrecking ball made slow, sweet arcs. Others had stopped to look also. Some took pictures and some took video and some took bricks. Kids who had never attended that church rode by on bicycles or played tag in the dust that filled their street. The first feeling I felt was anger. I wanted to jump out of my truck and run up the wrecking ball operator and pull him out of the cabin of that destructive machine. I wanted to take peoples cameras and smash them on the ground. I wanted all of those silly kids to see what was happening. My happy Sundays were being wiped out one swing at a time. A whole childhood spent creating memories wiped out in a couple of hours.

As the church fell, I was pushed over the line I'd drawn for myself. From being agnostic to nothing. No religion. Until that day I had secretly desired to return to the church after my long absence. I wanted my children to attend Sunday Mass like I did. I wanted my kids to be baptized there so I could fill that old church with clapping again; I wanted my kids to make their first communions there, for my boys to be altar boys like me, and for my girls to have their quinceneras in that place.

A crucial part of my identity was formed there. A lot of what is good in me comes from those Sundays. To be Mexican was to grow up Catholic. Now I wouldn't even have a place to show my kids were I came from. Now they would grow up that much more removed from their Mexican selves.

As you can tell from my writing I was becoming irrational. After I slowed myself down a bit I realized that what I was really reacting to was the fear of loss. I needed to take a long look deep inside and make peace with the fact that I would not get to relive those days. Everyday I got further away from those good times, everyday I was getting further and further away from the present. I needed to grieve the end of my childhood.

I wish I could tell you that this whole experience made me Catholic again. It hasn't even made me agnostic again. After much introspection I came to realize that my time spent in the church was about making others happy. Coming to church every Sunday put a smile on the priests face, making my first communion put a smile on my mother's face, becoming an altar boy put a smile on my grandfather's face. And all of those things put a smile on my face. For one day a week it was all smiles and life was good, the rest of the week I was reminded how poor we were. The rest of the week I was witness to my mother's suffering as she tried to make ends meet, I was reminded of what a loser my father was, hunger of all types was a constant. On Sunday...opiate of the people indeed.

I can tell you though that I believe. I believe in the power of faith. I believe in the power of belief. My mother's faith in God got us through those tough times that many others fall victim to. I am not a victim. I am a believer in the power that each of us holds.

So DDL, yeah, churches are vessels. They're filled with passengers hoping to arrive to some kind of paradise. These passengers believe in their captain, believe in his power to look towards the heavens and navigate them to their destination. These churches float on faith and fill their sails with optimism.

I bid them bon voyage with both feet planted firmly on terra firma. I hope they find what they are looking for.

The wrist bone

2007-12-30T23:56:00.000-05:00

is connected to the crocodile!

Feliz Navidad

2007-12-25T09:26:00.002-05:00

and Merry Christmas to Juan and All!

Snow Day!

2007-12-11T16:44:00.001-05:00

Okay, really today is/was an inclement weather day. The Library shut down for the day so I had the day off. Yipee! Gloria was waiting for the School Corp. to shut it down as well but, no. What did I do with my day off you ask? Hmm? I slept, ate a little, had some beer, did some housekeeping, had some more beer, played with my new/used laptop I got for $200, slept, showered, and had some beer.

I've been thinking lately lately about DDL's Church/Vessel idea and I've been spelunking into the darker depths of my thoughts and I feel something percolating...

Happy No Work Day to me!!

Just ain't right

2007-12-07T14:59:00.000-05:00

Something the wife did. Yeah, it's kinda funny, but damned creepy too.

Happy Dancing Elves

About time!!

2007-12-03T19:16:00.000-05:00

It took forever and finally, about a month late, here it is.

The pdf file is huge- beware downloading!! I'll be ordering a couple of copies for myself- damned bastards are too cheap to give em away to their writers, but I get it, they're just starting out, blah blah blah.

In recovery

2007-11-25T10:58:00.000-05:00

Slowly recovering. Easing my way through tryptophan withdrawal. The Itis has been good to me. Must be mobile by 1 p.m. Must make it to work or be fired. Oh sweet Itis.. .

Fat and Hungry

2007-11-12T13:24:00.000-05:00

That's how I find myself at the moment. I love to eat. I don't know any other way to explain it. Am I an emotional eater, sure, what Mexican American, raised Catholic, fat Mexican mother having, person isn't. But it's more than that. I kinda feel like the kid who cried wolf here- no really, I love to eat food. I love the flavors and the textures. Eating great food is the closest I will ever be to truly enjoying a great painting or reading a phenomenal book. Hell, cooking up a great meal is the closest I'll ever get to creating a fantastic work of art. I'm a better cook than I am writer. The veins flow, you know, with this great energy when I cook. My hands tremble as Thanksgiving gets closer. I love food, have I said that already?

A great meal puts you in touch with the universe. It bypasses the mind and the bs that lives there. Has anyone seen Big Night? Watch it and wait for the meal scene. It's so rich and heavy and sublime. The size of the meal does not matter, the quality, technique and love put into does. Simple, fluffy scrambled eggs vs. a Mexican wedding feast. They're the same thing!I'll stop talking about food here and save it for another post- maybe ten best meals ever or something.

I've just decided though, that until Thanksgiving, I will stay fat and hungry. I will no longer eat until the buttons pop. I will eat enough, the enough defined by the federal gov't, and stay hungry. I have no fear of losing my winter fat, I have enough of that to last an ice age, or two. No, instead I fear my heart exploding with joy and cholesterol; I'd like to stick around long enough to enjoy other great meals.

If you see me 'round (hehe), and I'm angry and cranky and start basting you in BBQ sauce, snap me out of it. Slap me and remind me T day is only around the corner.

More Hives

2007-10-02T13:41:00.000-04:00

Ok, last Hives post. Disfruta!!

The Hives

2007-10-02T13:32:00.000-04:00

This is a live performance, the sound sucks but you can see them live. I almost posted a video, but videos are soo canned. Enjoy!

Rock N Roll Weekend

2007-10-02T09:33:00.000-04:00

Spent this past weekend in Detroit. Visited the Detroit Zoo (sad, sad, sad), stayed at a nice hotel (The Westin-Southfield) and caught a Maroon 5 concert (I know, I know, but I scored major points with the wife).

A nice surprise awaited me at the show however, I was totally blindsided by The Hives , Maroon 5's opening act. The Hives are from Sweden and came to public awareness at the same time as other "The" bands (The White Stripes, The Strokes, The Vines, etc.). They put on a real rock and roll show. They were facetious, rebellious, loud, lots of energy, etc. I was saddened that they only had 30 minutes. The lead singer had this Johnny Rotten/Mick Jagger attitude, and the music was Ramone-ish at times, and it was a just GREAT ROCK N ROLL. So ok, they were derivative in a good way. At the beginning of their act the lead singer promised to make fans of us all, I thought this difficult since only half of the audience cheered when they came out while the other half spoke on cell phones or stood in line for the bathrooms. By their last number everyone was cheering and waving, we were under their voodoo. If you get a chance you should check them out.

Damn, someone's taken ROCK by the balls and maybe it's time I start listening to the new stuff. I already enjoy the White Stripes but I'm so weary of listening to new music can it can be so lame and a rip off. Or it's just unbelievably bad, a good hook won't do with Rock. You need attitude, you need presence, you need to be a fighter. The Hives, White Stripes, Strokes, yeah, time to get back to it.

Speaking of rock and roll, true story: My buddy Frank got us into a Los Lobos show in Chicago sometime ago and after the show we got in backstage. I was dumb&awestruck hanging out with Cesar Rosas (the dude never took his shades off). I wanted to talk to him so bad but I felt like such a fanboy so I quietly sipped my beer while a 40 year old droopy groupie chatted on and on. At on point she dropped her pizza on the carpet and went all "oh no" and "sorry" blah blah blah and Cesar says "On no baby, that's alright, that's rock n roll. That's all that is, that's just rock n roll". I'll never forget that for the rest of my life.

So will it ruin things then if I say that to top off our Detroit Rocks weekend we went to IKEA. Yeah, I know. . . .

Can't wait to see this one

2007-09-03T19:01:00.000-04:00

Cormac McCarthy's No Country for Old Men has been made into a movie by the Cohen Bros.

See the trailer here.

Name of the World and Slaughter House Five

2007-08-29T12:27:00.000-04:00

I couldn't sleep last night(story of my life) so I decided to finish both books. I can't say which book I enjoyed reading more. They were both nearly the same: a man, his life, and how he deals with it. They were both short (under 200 pages), both authors pull serious literary weight, and both authors male.

Name of the World first then: Michael Reed has been floating through his life after his wife and daughter died four years ago. On the outside he puts one foot in front of the other and plays the part of College Professor, while on the inside his mind races with all kinds of thoughts about people places and things. He lives an internal life. When he's told that his contract is going to expire sooner rather than later, Michael starts to unravel and his insides start spilling out, he starts to engage his thoughts and fantasies and behaving unpredictably. Soon you get the idea that he never really got over the deaths of his wife and child, he never allowed himself to grieve. His obsession with a red haired wild child student (Siren perhaps)leads him to this conclusion. He starts seeing his daughter in this siren and is forced to acknowledge that he didn't interact with the outside world for fear of having to acknowledge that he was lost, that his loved ones were dead, and that he would have to keep on living.

I don't know how convinced I was by the psyche angle of the story or the internal journey the character makes. Even though the book is written in 3rd person and we know alot about the protagonist, we spend alot of time in his thoughts and with his judgements, we still don't know alot about him. So when he starts to lose it I don't really care. And the use of this Siren and the oddball cast of oddball professors who are drunks and surviving on the fringes of academia seems too easy. The supporting characters seem stock and stereotypical.

But, some of the more mundane details in the book are dead on. Reeds needs to make meaning and to be drawn to this pond were people skate in circles, where he's reminded of the passing of time when the snow covers everything or the summer sun reveals all. Reed's enjoyment of his rowdy neighbors who party all night is a symbol of hope. He loves thier energy and their fearlessness.

The beginning of the book has a lot of strong writing, but in the middle and end it seems to lose some energy. At times when the story failed the language picked up the slack and vice versa. The writing overall is the best feature of this book. The story is can be haunting at times and hopeful. Will I ever read this book again- no, will I read more Denis Johnson- yes!

Slaughter House 5: This was a fun book to read for many reasons. First, I like the way Billy Pilgrim travels through time and space but you don't feel like you're reading a sci fi novel. 2nd, I like the way Vonnegut tackles the story of Dresden (which he always wondered how best to tell)by not really talking about the bombing, and 3rd I like how the novel is short but packs a hell of a punch.

In the story we get to visit critical moments in Billy Pilgrim's life, along with Billy, as moves from one moment to the next. Kind of like Scrooge in a Christmas Carol. We are witness to his being thrown in a pool to sink or swim by his father. We witness his capture and survival of Dresden. We are with Billy on Tralfamadore as he lives in a zoo. Billy has become unstuck in time and is destined to review and preview his life.

I don't think Billy is unstuck in time, I think he becomes unstuck from life. I think he was damaged by the trauma of being nearly killed by his father and being nearly killed in a war and then being nearly killed in a plane crash. I think the plain crash leaves him with brain damage where he must live through memories and books and pass judgement once again on what those events mean to him.

But the book isn't about time travel or space, or aliens at all, or about Billy Pilgrim. This book is about the horrors of war, the realities of willfull and intentional killing, and the lasting affects on the psyches of those who participate in it. There are no winners.

I didn't notice the writing really, it fit the story well and it didn't get in the way of itself; it was clean and concise. The format of the book is unusual. I had to flip back after reading the first chapter to make sure I wasn't reading an introduction or interview with Vonnegut. Then I realized that this was how he was going to tell his untellable story. I really enjoyed the way Vonnegut kept inserting himself in the story, always in the shadows saying things like "that was me, I said that". Kilgore Trout is also Vonnegut in the story. I suspect Trout, the writer of hack novels who wanted to say things but didn't know how so he used sci fi to do it, was how Vonnegut felt pre- Slaughter House 5.

Definately read this one if you have a chance. I'm sorry it took me so long to finally getting around to reading it, but I'm glad I've read it now with the War in Iraq fresh in my conciousness.

What can you say about a massacre? And so it goes.

Who are you... Really?

2007-08-28T13:38:00.000-04:00

Just found this on Talia's site and I though it was great.

Go ahead, take the quiz.

This is me:

You're Anne of Green Gables!

by L.M. Montgomery

Bright, chipper, vivid, but with the emotional fortitude of cottage
cheese, you make quite an impression on everyone you meet. You're impulsive, rash,
honest, and probably don't have a great relationship with your parents. People hurt
your feelings constantly, but your brazen honestly doesn't exactly treat others with
kid gloves. Ultimately, though, you win the hearts and minds of everyone that matters.
You spell your name with an E and you want everyone to know about it.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

2007-08-25T09:45:00.000-04:00

There's nothing like good fiction to leave you feeling refreshed, invigorated, and Zestfully clean. After flooding my insides with non-fiction (memoirs- The Tender Bar, The Sex Lives of Cannibals (super good), death- Spooks and Stiffs (same author both), godlessness- God is Not Great (this guy is so ANGRY), and other stuff (Kurt Vonnegut interviews), I slowly made my way back.

I almost fell off the wagon when I tried reading some pop-lit (Zig Zag- by a Spanish author), I thought OK, let's support my Latino brother, I dove right into the book. Good idea, physics and time travel and mysteries of nature, ok so far so good, then that whole the heroine is not only a moody genius, she is Sophia Loren/Salma Hayek/Marilyn Monroe and the men in her life are gorgeous assholes. I almost puked up my lunch. Luckily, a level headed coworker took the book from me and turned it back in.

Now the Good stuff:

This is what I'm reading now and it makes me happy.

Slaughter House Five by Kurt Vonnegut- I'm totally digging this. I can appreciate his writing now after I've read his interviews. He was really scared by Dresden even if he doesn't say it outright, and if it wasn't for Dresden he would have be scarred by something else. Then he made this personal peace with his life that didn't make sense to anyone but himself. Much like Billy Pilgrim.

The Name of the World by Denis Johnson- I'm about 15 pages in and his writing is so unobtrusive as to really let you into the story. He's doing this thing with the protagonist where the protagonist wants you to think he's this walking dead zombie but really he's absorbing so much of his surroundings, really engaging his senses, trying to make sense of his life, that this guy really isn't dead, just acting like it.

Thirteen Moons by Charles Frazier- Cold Mountain the book, not movie, really drew in with its Odyssey-like adventure. I really enjoyed the language and the story. So I'm now about 1/4 of the way through Thirteen Moons and Frazier hasn't lost his touch. He has a really great talent for story telling. So far we have a boy who is orphaned an then sold to a merchant by his aunt and uncle and sent into the wilderness to manage a trading post. Along the way his horse is stolen, he meets the love of his life, and he befriends an Indian who is wise to the old ways, but unwise and unlucky when it comes to women. Really good writing so far.

And finally, I'm reading Last Orders by Graham Swift- This is a small story really- four men take a drive through England to spread the ashes of one of their buddies in the ocean. It's all dialogue and the tension between the men and the ashes of their friend, as they're confined to the small space of the car is stifling. You feel uncomfortable right along with them. The back story, as they become pensive, releases tiny secrets and almost secrets and things that should be thought but not said, and you realize that just because these characters live on the other side of the ocean, they're alot like you and me. I do have to admit, this one isn't so easy to read unless you're familiar with working class, pubster English. The challenge is part of the fun.

Thank You Chad- You Fuzzy Headed Ninnymuggins

2007-08-24T15:23:00.000-04:00

Chad reminded me of a story I'd written some time ago where I was trying to copy the stylings of Cormac McCarthy. I did some things well in the story (language, setting, verisimilitude) but the story was really lacking and the payoff did not match the build up. I had decided that when I came back to the story it would have to be longer.

I pulled the story out a couple of months ago because of Chad and I decided to submit it just the way it was. Because Duotrope has very cool search functions I found a site that dealt with the kind of story I'd written. I submitted there and needless to say. . .

Twisted Tongue has picked up "A Texas Story" for November 07. You'll be able to read it in PDF format or pay for a copy. Unfortunately, I won't be getting a free copy, but I really don't care, just happy to be published.

Movin on Up

2007-08-20T13:48:00.001-04:00

Warning: You are reading a reworded post

I have accepted the position of Readmobile Manager for SJCPL. This means two things: mo money and mo responsibility. That's ok though, I am ready for both and can't wait to start. I'll be working with a population that is happy to see me and I'll get to tell stories and be goofy and have fun. It will also look good on my resume after I get my MLS.

If you see a big ol' bus with Garfield on the side, give a honk and I'll probably honk back.

And uh, no Neil, you can't hitch a ride.

This is why I avoid bright ideas!!

2007-08-15T11:35:00.000-04:00

A wise man once said. . .

2007-08-15T11:28:00.001-04:00

"Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder"

REDUX

2007-08-10T15:16:00.000-04:00

I changed the color. . .again.

Do Over

2007-08-08T23:42:00.000-04:00

I shined the place up a bit, added some furniture, and painted the walls. Hope you like.

Check out the new links to the right.

Wordsmith, the anagram function is fun to play with. Jesus Moya: Emu Ass Joy, Jays Mouse, Amuses Joy.

Also LivePlasma is fun. Put in your favorite band or singer and it maps out relevant similar artists.

Over and out.

And because I just figured out how to do this

2007-08-04T20:48:00.000-04:00

This is one of my favorite songs of all times and to see Los Lobos sing it with this Dutch band is too cool. I totally dig this because Anselma (the song) is a conjunto song (Bass/Guitarron, Bajo Sexto (12 string bass guitar), Accordion, and drums) and conjunto has its roots in, thanks to German settlers in Texas, in polka music. It's a crazy, raucus kind of music that I hated as a kid but I can't get enough off as an adult.

Anyway- Los Lobos and Rowwen Heze (who according to the internet plays TEX MEX and POLKA- Limewire here I come) tearing it up, wish I coulda been there.

A Thrilla in Manila

2007-08-04T20:37:00.000-04:00

The worst thing in the world is to try to sleep and not to. -F. Scott Fitzgerald

2007-08-04T01:25:00.000-04:00

An instructor once told me that she skips over dream sequences in books and stories.

Damn, what if someone wants to pay me by the word !?!?!?

What I wouldn’t give at this sleepless point in time for the sandman to draw his fingers through my essence and stir up images buried deep under layers of brain matter and consciousness like so much debris in a muddy river.

God, I haven’t fished in a while.

(ODB is playing in a an endless loop- dedicated to all the pretty girls in world, and the ugly girls too, because to me you’re pretty anyway baby )

Sleep.

I want deep sleep. Canyon deep sleep. Bottom of the ocean, under tons of blue water, deep sleep. I don’t care what 1 a.m. looks like or 2 a.m. looks like- it’s all the same except the commercials are sexier. But not sexier like a Sunday morning lounging in p.j.’s with a cup of coffee and the paper and sticky cinnamon fingers and pouty lips and tussled hair over dreamy eyes.

Did I mention Gloria is out of town and my bed feels immense, from see to shining see. I need binocolors to find a pillow. It takes an eternity to get even close to a gray kind of vision and soon the alarm clock begins to strangle any dream that has wandered to close to my nose as it creeps into my ears with red digital fingers wrapped around my brain.

Take two Benny Drills. Straight to the noggin. That kind of sleep feels like the moment right after you puke and the acid is etching graffiti on you teeth. It’s cotton brain. It stops. No dreams, no rest, no fun.

(ODB is playing in an endless loop- hey dirtay, baby I gotch ya money, dontcha worray)

Let me drop from the precipice. Let me fly. I want to fly.

I erased the dream sequence from my story, Damnit.

Pix from trip to Travers

2007-08-03T22:06:00.000-04:00

Gloria and I and some friend went to Traverse City this past weekend to take in the sites and drink some wine. Here are some pix:

The Crew: Me, Gloria, Jen, and Javier at Sleeping Bear Dunes

Here's the trusty Grey Gargoyle that got us there and back in one piece- regardless of Jen's driving

Some vineyards

What a view

Awww how cute! (Talking about myself of course)

At the End of the World

Guess what's in the box

Check it out!

2007-08-01T20:24:00.000-04:00

Just "published" today at Shine. . .The Journal!

Old Diego

I am. . . .THE MAN!

2007-07-25T17:12:00.001-04:00

Insight totally sucks!

I realized the other day as I mentally ran thr0ugh an incident at work the other day that I am The Man. What man? The Man- the cog in the system, any system, that says "No" and denies you what you want. Cops are the Man, Principals are the Man, Dubya is the Man (really it's Cheney but you know) Hillary is the Man.

I don't like it one bit either. I hate being the man. For a system, any system, to be successful, every part must be finely tuned and working to optimum levels. But what if you're the part in the system that no one likes or people dislike because of the job you do- like the spit valve on a trombone, the toilet in a house, the bottom feed in a fish tank. These are important jobs, vital to the success of the system.

Now, I'm not saying all systems are created equal, I'm not trying to argue if having a system is good or bad, all I'm saying is I don't like my part in "the system" that is the library. I can say no, I can deny you access to what you want or need. Of course, I get to make excuses: It says in the policy manual that, the rules say, it's not my job, etc.

But I could also totally subvert the system. I can do things beyond my job description, I can access information and give it to you, I can manipulate the system to get you what you need.

It's what I would normally do in any other situation- There is no such thing as no (Ask my wife about her battle with Usa Fitness- no doesn't always mean no.

I gotta go, more on this later . . .

Lost in the Forest . . .

2007-07-17T11:36:00.000-04:00

Something David said about being in the woods- this is a good one by Neruda

Lost in the Forest . . .
-Pablo Neruda

Lost in the forest, I broke off a dark twig
and lifted its whisper to my thirsty lips:
maybe it was the voice of the rain crying,
a cracked bell, or a torn heart.

Something from far off it seemed
deep and secret to me, hidden by the earth,
a shout muffled by huge autumns,
by the moist half-open darkness of the leaves.

Wakening from the dreaming forest there, the hazel-sprig
sang under my tongue, its drifting fragrance
climbed up through my conscious mind

as if suddenly the roots I had left behind
cried out to me, the land I had lost with my childhood---
and I stopped, wounded by the wandering scent.

Some Good News

2007-07-16T11:20:00.000-04:00

(Doesn't the above title sound like the name of a Christian rock band? Except the members aren't Christian at all but they're all named Christian- even the girl who plays the tambourine . . .)

Just got an email from SHINE! (online journal) editor Pamela Griffin notifying me that she liked the flash piece I submitted and that she'd like to publish it in the August edition.

Wow! This is getting fun.

The story is Old Diego- the last story I wrote in David's class. I wanted to try flash fiction and because David is a cool guy I knew he wouldn't slam me for not turning in a full story. I've worked on this story here and there, debating on making it longer, fleshing it out, but I really like it just the way it is.

SHINE!, August, Old Diego.

Swing batta batta swing!

2007-07-10T11:28:00.000-04:00

We went to a Silverhawks game last night and I ate 3 hot dogs and had 2 Mountain Dews. I had a great time (we left before the end of the game- the Hawks were losing 3-1) and I'm trying to narrow down why. At first I though it was because it was Dollar Monday and I was all swept up in Dollar madness- but then I realized that a can of pop and a hot dog should really NOT cost a dollar a piece.

I'm not even a baseball fan- I can't watch it on TV, I can't tell you who had what stats in whatever year. But there's something so . . . tranquil? peaceful? watching a game move so slow with spurts of action. Almost like reading a sentence with an exclamation point at the end of it.

As I sat on the bleachers I was overwhelmed by everything really. The people, the grayblue clouds rolling in silently over us, the noise, the heat and the breeze, the falcon gliding over the old Studebaker buildings, the crack of the bat.

Serenity.

I even allowed myself to enjoy those things I would have found annoying and intrusive like the cheesy games between innings (racing vegetables, dancing chickens), I may have even stood up for the Chicken Dance and the YMCA, but I'm not telling.

Something about last night reminded me about church- standing and sitting, collective simultaneous responses as if on cue (a hit! a steal!). Everyone communing under one roof (or sky).

Maybe I've found a new house of worship.

June's a Goin'

2007-06-18T17:55:00.000-04:00

The first fabulous summer month that we call June is almost over and I haven't posted a thing. There have been many almost posts such as. . .

Gloria and I went camping together for the first time ever at Turkey Run and it was awesome! We didn't realize there was this whole camping culture: people walk up and down the campsite roads, just strolling or riding their bikes. We even saw people cruising through the campsite! Campers and RV's decked out with all kinds of crazy lights, strolling troubadours (really!), dogs everywhere. I'm not trying to down the experience, I just wasn't ready for it. Everyone was so friendly, I didn't know this until someone told us before leaving town for Turkey Run, but you can leave all of your stuff set up on the campsite and NO ONE WILL STEAL FROM YOU.

Turkey Run State Park is a beautiful place. Gloria and I tackled their toughest trail (ladders, steep inclines, wading, rock crawling, etc.) on the first day and we fell in love with the place. Some people get turned on by nature and they want to write poems or paint or take pix or whatever, I on the other hand, turn off that creative part of me. The urge to create disappears, and the desire to be kicks in. I don't know why, maybe it's because I want to create a certain image of whatever, but when I'm faced with something so grand or awe inspiring, I'm happier just to be a part of it. I don't think about stories I could set there or stories based on my feeling of being in such a great environment. I haven't really wanted to write anything or even review some of my old stuff, mostly I just think about Turkey Run.

Another post would have gone something like this:

We have decided to end the placement of our current foster child. We let the MAN get to us and we don't feel we're in a situation to beat the system. It sounds so cold doesn't it, to sacrifice the livelihood of a child because we can't handle the bureaucracy that is as much a part of her as the rest of her baggage. So many people, upon hearing our decision, have reacted differently but the same:

"It's all for the best"
"Things happen for a reason"
"You're doing the right thing"
"Where will she go"
"What would you have done with your own child"
"You're probably wouldn't be able to handle any child"
"You've done alot for her in two years, more than others"
"Later on she'll realize just how much you did for her"

I am no Mother Theresa and it's taken me nearly 30 years to shake off Catholic guilt: you have to look out for yourself first and make sure you're the best you can be BEFORE you should even attempt to help someone else. Again, it's a cold and selfish statement, but it's true and I've seen too many people hang on to marriages, relationships, jobs, because they worry what will be thought of them. I don't care really what others think, negative or positive, all I know is that I tried, I failed, and now it's time to grow and move on.

Or another post would have been:

I just caught the biggest fish I've ever caught out of the St. Joe River. I was fishing for Rock Bass and Bluegill and Pumpkin Seed when a Smallie decided to go after the bubble bee like bait I was using. I've got photos of it and will post it later, sorry I take horrible fish pictures, but it was a couple of pounds at least. To understand why I'm so excited, I've fished out of Howard Park for a couple of years now and never really caught anything to get excited about, most of my success came from fishing at Potato Creek. This year Potato Creek seems to be a waste of gas for me and Howard Park is golden.

So these are the things I've been wanting post and so now I have.

Gone Fishin'

2007-05-27T18:47:00.000-04:00

Okay, this little guy is all I caught during two hours of fishing at Potato Creek today. Went out with my brother Sal and nephew Estevan. I normally go for the blue gill and other pan fish, bass fishing is too complicated? for me. I want to cast, let the bait float under a bobber and chill in the shade of a tree until I get a blue on the hook. This young large mouth is the 2nd or 3rd I've caught at the Creek only after I get bored and start casting with Bass Stoppers just to get the blood flowing.

However, I was happy for the rest of the morning.

I've been tagged

2007-05-11T23:38:00.000-04:00

Um, took me a while to figure this out, I guess I'm supposed to list 5 songs that knock my socks off- at this very moment in time it's the following:

"Passionate Kisses" Lucinda Williams
"Telephone Song" B.B. King (SRV song)
"Anselma" Los Lobos
"Let's Stay Together" Al Green
"Jambalaya" Hank Williams

Some more Paz

2007-05-06T00:53:00.000-04:00

Motion- Octavio Paz

If you are the amber mare
I am the road of blood
If you are the first snow
I am he who lights the hearth of dawn
If you are the tower of night
I am the spike burning in your mind
If you are the morning tide
I am the first bird's cry
If you are the basket of oranges
I am the knife of the sun
If you are the stone altar
I am the sacrilegious hand
If you are the sleeping land
I am the green cane
If you are the wind's leap
I am the buried fire
If you are the water's mouth
I am the mouth of moss
If you are the forest of the clouds
I am the axe that parts it
If you are the profaned city
I am the rain of consecration
If you are the yellow mountain
I am the red arms of lichen
If you are the rising sun
I am the road of blood